sad, happy...this is life

Hi! Stay at home with my son today. Just finished teaching him maths and English. I just took one hour. After dinner, i will teach him maths and bm. He will start his maths tuition after the school break. Now he is quite OK. I still let him play his PSP or watch his ultraman and Ben 10 videos but he must study first. Oh ya I really . enjoyed my holidays this time, although we just spent most of our time in Malacca. I love eating and there are a few places I would like to recommend, an open air restaurant near the river view hotel in kota bharu, kelantan. The chicken or beef grilled was so good. And the soup. Yummee, yummee, yummee. I won't forget nasi lemak burung puyuh in tanah merah, kelantan. It is located at the green building. And Malacca, my birthplace. I love Seoul garden and chickenrice shop at mahkota parade. Other favourite places are malim ikan bakar and umbai. Oh ya, we tried to eat less food at night. Breakfast and lunch are very important. Do not skip them. We just skip tea time. We will have early dinner around 7 o'clock. Before sleeping, my son and I had our nespray milk. If we feel hungry, we just eat the bananas that my husband bought a lot. That's it. My only supplement is the seaweed. I think my skin is quite OK now. So, I cancelled my facial treatment this month. Vivian won't like itèbut the seaweed is so cheap compare to the treatment. Last Saturday my cousins came to tampin. They brought anyah's clothes. They said if my mom does not like them just gave them to someone else. I looked at the clothes and saw the one that anyah liked to wear, the white polka dots baju kurung. I told my mom to keep her clothes first. It is not nice to give them away. I just do not understand. When my husband was sent for a course, I would sleep with his sarong. I wouldn't wash the one than he just wore so I still could still smell him. And his pink blanket. He didn't like the colour but because I chose the green blanket first, so he had no choice. I love smelling his blanket when he was not around. Now, I am crying. I really miss my husband. I can't wait to see him . That's why I do not understand why they wanted to clear up her things so fast. May god bless her soul. Al fatehah!

Hi! My husband will start his meeting tomorrow. We will be busy. Pity my son. I will try to spend my time teaching him at night. I know I will be very tired but he is my son. I will do anything to help him. Haiiii... they just reach home and we are going out....shopping and eating. Bye

show your love before you lose her forever

Anyah passed away today. Everybody was sad. Emak and puan cried. I cried when I heard the news. Then I was OK. I think god loves her more that's why her life was taken. She was in pain and restless when we met her yesterday. Now she is gone. No more anyah in our life. A few days ago, I cried after I performed my prayer. Suddenly, I remembered my late cousins, my grandmothers and grandfathers. Then I realised I have lost many people that i loved. Jureimi, kak long ina, Irwin, puan mok, atuk aman, puan dan datuk batun, chik and now anyah. It's sad. When i went back to kelantan, we always went to ayah bas' house to visit chik, now no more. Jureimi and Irwin were like my younger brothers. They died in their early twenties, along ina in her early thirties. She was the first one in our family to study oversea. And because of her, I went to the airport for the first time. My mother was so proud of her that she wanted rme to follow her step. When i lost them, it's like someone stabbed in your heart. Please appreciate people around you especially your family. When the person dies, he or she won't come back. She won't visit us anymore. She's just gone. Last time, when anyah came to tampin, I kissed her forehead . When I put some money in her hand , she said thank you. Yesterday, before we left her son's house, I kissed her forehead twice. My mother also kissed her but she did not say anything. She just looked at us. Every time she felt the pain she would raise her hands and I caught them. I held her shaking hands firmly. I rubbed her forehead and kept calling her name, anyah. Tell you the truth,I am so happy today because I met her yesterday and showed my love to her before she passed away. Thank you god and may Allah bless her soul. Amin.

love anyah

Hi! If i updated my blog yesterday, it would be the happy one. I really enjoyed myself until last night when I found out my anyah (my mother's sister) is sick, I mean really-really sick. She has liver cancer. We went to kelana jaya today. She's just lying on the bed. I kept holding her hand. I knew she was in pain. She did not call my name or my mother's. I was not sure whether she still recognised us or not. When my mother cried for her sister, I felt helpless. I did not know on how to ease her pain. Her cancer is in stage four. There's something I would like to say. When we visit sick people, please do not expect that the family will serve us enough food. Especially, many guests will come to visit . Like today, I think when they served us bihun and tea, they were more than enough. For the lunch, my husband and I preferred to have it somewhere, just don't want to burden the family. Our intention is to visit the sick one. That's the main point. I am so happy my son and my mother understood our intention. I knew they were hungry but they could wait. So, we had our lunch at r n r highway around three o'clock. Oh ya, one more thing . When you pay a visit, give something to the family, money, fruits or whatever. Don't ever-ever think when you donate some money, you will become poor. Be sincere. God knows your good deed. You will get more than you give. Bye.....

holidays

Hi! My son was circumcised last Sunday. He is OK now. He can wear his shorts but I still do not allow him to eat certain food like egg and chicken. My parents came to visit him, so did my two sisters and their families. Quite a busy week but I was so happy and sometimes I could not believe that my baby has become a man now. Before the circumcise, I told him it was like an ant bit you. Not that painful. Later he told me, it was so painful like a crocodile had bitten you. No wonder he cried a lot during that process. When we reached home, he was still crying but after one hour he stopped crying. No more pain. The next day when we went to the clinic to clean it up, other kids still did not look OK. The mothers asked me whether Ahmad cried at night. I said no. He recovered so fast. Thank god for every thing. Oh ya, I become a housewife now. Clean up the house, do the gardening and cooking. Last time I made my own fish balls. I learned it from internet. My family loved it, including my mother. My husband is so romantic. He is a different person, always smile and laugh. Well, he is a househusband now so he knows his job. Throw rubbish, go to the market, sometimes buy our breakfast, help me with the laundry. I fall in love with my husband again and again. When I remember him, I feel something in my heart. Love, babe. Now about my problem. My tummy, I want to get rid of the fat. Just wish me luck. Bye and take care.

We are still in kelantan. Yesterday, we went to pasar khadijah. As usual, my son and I ate the big prawns and Perut soup. My husband chose beef kerutup. Not excited like before. Need to find new menu. Oh ya, last Saturday we went to Arab restaurant in Malacca. It is near mitc, ayer keroh. My son and I chose chicken mandi rice. Not bad but it still cannot beat the one that i ate in Tehran, Iran. It's the best. It's perfect. The chicken was tender, its spice and the rice....wow. until now I miss the food. Need to stop. Want to visit my sister in law. Bye.

sexy

Hi! So happy. What else....school holidays. We will go to kelantan next week. Need to buy tudung Akbar. Now, I am watching wanita hari ini about sexy woman. Well I am very sure all women want to look sexy. Sometimes when I looked at the girls who were wearing shorts. Not all looked sexy. If a woman wore plain baju kurung, jubah or maxi, she could look sexy especially when she walked. We could see the shape of her leg. I like to look sexy but when i got attention especially from guys, I would feel restless and uncomfortable. Better at home, when you can see your husband cannot take his eyes away from you, wow you will feel so good. Now, I have to be very careful because of my son. He would look at me and say something. He has grown up. Sometimes, I didn't realize it but when my husband said that my son was watching, I would check my clothes. Last time my son told me that he wanted to marry me. I said no but i asked him to find someone like me to become his wife. A girl who will love him as I do, a girl who will comfort him when he is being hurt, just like what he did to me. Always cheer me up. Sexy is not only appearance, even voice also can be sexy. The way you behave also can look sexy. When my husband put on apron to wash dishes, he looked sexy. When he held the laddle to fry the instant noodles, he was sexy. May be when he helped me to do the housework, he touched my heart so it sent a message to my eyes that he looked sexy. I don't know. Not only woman needs to look sexy for her husband, the man also needs to look sexy for his wife. We satisfy each other's need. OK bye.....

Hi! I am now in 4 tk. Only one student. There's nothing much I can do. Sometimes I will look at her, just to make sure that she is still exist. Almost finish my work. My strategic planning, I will do it during the holidays. No fresh ideas at all. Last weekend I watched inception. Geeta lent me her DVD. I t was so good. It was like I am in their dream. You really need to focus if not you won't understand the story. It is raining outside. After this I have to go to 1 a, another relief class. Better stop now, thunder babe......bye

love your parents to get blessing from god

Hi! I am still feeling tired. For two days, I helped my parents. Did the cooking, cleaning up, entertaining the guests,nbla, bla and bla. My parents were very happy. They were very closed now. My father kept calling my mother to sit close to him. He scolded my mother if she was late. He just wanted her to be closed to him. My siblings didn't realize it, not even my mother. I asked my mother to be patient with him. I told her that one day when my father is not around, you will miss him calling your name. My relationship with my mother is good. All because of pmr English paper. I don't know that whatever thing that i do it will affect my family, surprisingly my students. That morning, I called my mother to pray for my students. I begged for her forgiveness. I told her how much I loved her and I cried. She said that i didn't do anything wrong and she thanked me for loving her. English paper 1 was a bit difficult but English paper 2 was so easy. My 3 a class was so happy. Everything that i taught them came out. Thank you god and thank you to my mother. If we hurt our parents' feeling although we are in the right side, god will punish us. I learned a lot. Luckily, I realized my mistake. That afternoon, after school I went to my parents' house to have lunch. I hugged my mother and kissed her. Sincerely from my heart. It was like a stone in my heart had been removed. Yesterday, after praying sunatul aidil adha at the mosque, I went to find my mother. When I saw her, straightaway I hugged and kissed her cheeks. I wished selamat hari ray a haji. She wished me a long life and wealth. I always thought that my mother regretted to have me in her life. I am so sorry. Nothing can stop me from loving my mom dearly. My father was the happiest person to see both of us could get along. Love both of you. May god bless both of you with good health. Amen!

beautiful quotes

Quotes from kallery net.... a) at some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life B) if a man expects his woman to be an angel in his life, he should first create a heaven for her. C) look after my heart, I have left it with you D) behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is another woman E) it takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone - but it takes a life to forget someone. Hi....no more bad dreams. I read al quran suroh especially the three kul and kursi before sleeping. I just do not understand. Two or three years ago, I always dreamed of a big and long snake. It tried to catch me but I ran away. Since last year I didn't have that dream anymore. So, when I dreamed of it again, I was scared. In my dream, my son shouted that he saw a snake. I ran to his place and I saw the snake. It didn't look at me. It just moved passing me. Strange....I don't know. I think the snake had missed me so he just paid a visit. Crazy right. Well it was just a dream. Oh ya I drove my husband's car last Wednesday. It reminded of my kanchil car. But this car is quite heavy so it is safer. I just want to wish selamat hari raya aidil adha to all Muslims. Be good.....

disturbance

Ahmad is having his maths tuition now. Tomorrow, he will sit for his year end examination. I just hope he will pass all his papers. I am very sure he will do it well next year. Last year, he had problem with his reading (he was stammer).This year, he had problem with understanding what he read. Now, he is quite OK. His maths is OK, not bad. Tell you the truth, I have no mood to update my blog. I have so many things to share but I am just lazy. Every night, I have bad dreams. I always dreamed of snake, running, searching people that i love but last night was the worst. Don't want to tell you about it. It was scary. I woke up a few times to pee. This morning when i woke up I got scratch on my shoulder. And my left hand was weak. My backache, fuih, bad. I surfed internet, there are two causes, either I had been sihir or genie disturbance. When i was in perak, I had the same experience. One ustaz told me to leave perak because people did something bad to me spiritually (sihir). It happens again. I don't know why and I don't want to know. When i was in perak, I always had problem while sleeping. I couldn't breathe. I had to fight and made a weird sound. So, my husband would wake me up by calling my name or shook my body. Then, i was OK. I nearly died. When my husband had to attend a course, my parents from tampin would come to perak to accompany me or I did not dare to sleep. It was terrible. Now, I feel shoulder pain and I can't type a lot. So, bye.....take care.

Stay at home today. Ahmad is not well. Bad cough. I did not have enough sleep last night because I was scared that he would have fever. Now he is sleeping. I want to sleep but I am waiting for my soup to be cooked. Tomorrow both of us will go to school. I hope he will be OK. I went to my parents' house today to park my car. From there, we just walked to the clinic. It was quite far. My son kept holding my hand. He kept saying, mama loves me. I just smiled at him. He got the same medicine as usual, they just add antibiotic. After that i took him to rm2 shop, bought him Ben 10 cards. Then we stopped at a restaurant to have our breakfast, rot I canai telur. Tapau two for my parents. He was so happy. He kissed my hand and my cheek. Well, a guy came siiting near us. He was smoking. I looked at him and said sorry encik, my son has athma, we just returned from a clinic. I showed him the medicine. Can you please sit at another place? He didn't say anything. He looked angry but he did move to another place. Haiya, no comment. I am not sure whether he was rude or was I being rude? But I did say thank you to him though he did not respond. This month, my nephew and my niece will go back to Egypt. He did not inform me but his sister told my husband after being asked. Haiiii.........it is sad. You see when they were small, I did take care of them. I am very sure when they start working they won't give me anything. Money of course no, a gift I don't think so, wishing or calling better do that to their mom, visiting not in their list. Haiiii......sometimes my students are better than my nieces and my nephews, except jijah. I always give them money for their wedding, their study, their children. It is not a problem to me. Hi....sometimes if their children forgot to do that, the parents should teach them. This Saturday, I will go to my sister's house to give some money to my niece and nephew. Just hope they will become kind hearted doctors one day.

On the way home from gemencheh. Had our lunch at santapan impian, tampin. I cannot eat hot and spicy food, my tummy cannot accept it. Last time, I tried to eat it but had to go to the toilet a few times at school. It was really embarrassing. My parents, my siblings, my husband and my son, they also cannot take hot food. That is why I have problem at the canteen. I always ordered nasi goreng kampung, mi sup, chicken porridge (but the chicken is not much and at 11 o'clock i will feel hungry) and nasi tomato (i will tapau three on friday), if not I just ate fried chicken and plain rice. That's the only canteen food I can eat. Pity me. I told them already but they still serve hot food. Oh ya! Yesterday my husband booked his new car. It's cute. He wanted to buy myvi at first but I told him no. I do support Malaysia products but I still remember the two cars that involved in the accident, myvi and Ala. Better pay more as long as we are safe. Read an article about Malay wives. What he said is true. People think that i am naughty, know nothing about religion. Loves entertainment. I love entertainment. Humans need entertainment, even our rosul Muhammad loved music ( like kompang, avoid flute) but I still know what is right and what is wrong. I am not liberal but balanced. I told my husband that i don't mind if he wants to go to the mosque but when i need his help at home, he must help me. You want to get reward from god but make sure your family is OK first. Whatever we do, do not give burden to other people. Do something that god please. Be kind so god will be kind to you. Don't be selfish!

gangsterism

Hi! So lazy to update my blog. Lots of things happened at school and home. I am just tired. My son 's doing quite well in his maths tuition. Every Friday and Sunday we will go to gemencheh for that. Then, ustazah will come to our house for his iqra' and he also learns on how to perform prayer. I think after a few months he will perform well in both classes. About my school life....it's not like last time. Gangsterism. It's bad. I don't like it at all. I love my students including the naughty ones, so I don't like when there was a fight. One girl told me that she didn't like Poon khai lun's time. The Chinese boys were bad. I told her that the boys were better than this year boys. They were just naughty, not gangsters. I felt safe when they were around. This year boys especially saravanan and his friends, they are nice and they do respect me but I still feel anxious. I do not feel comfortable. There are only a few boys that i can rely on. I told my husband but he doesn't understand. My school is not like his school. He said let the admistrators do their work and your job is just teaching but how to teach my class if other classes are making noise. Big problem!

Hi! My son has his maths tuition at gemencheh. I think her methods are very simple and fast, still I have to simplify it to suit with my son's level. She said that my son was so lucky to have a mother like me. Sometimes, I feel jealous when i look at my friends. Most of their children are smart. Never mind, as long as my son is good, independence and not lazy, there won't be a problem. Oh ya, yesterday was my birthday. My husband took us to pizza hut and he gave me rm200.00. Last year, he just bought me a birthday cake. May be he got his promotion this year, that's why he has extra money. Anyway, thank you so much. His birthday was last week. I didn't give him things but I gave him a very special present early in the morning on his birthday. Guys, how serious they are, they want women who know how to treat them well especially on bed. OK, OK no more about this thing. Singapore trip was superb, we really enjoy ourselves. Bought t shirts, fridge magnets and souvenirs. One guy said," badan akak cantik" in Singapore. Yargh. Better in China, a few China ladies called me "big eyes". I told my husband and he just said, "that is why I don't want you to wear jeans and black shirt (my favourite one). " I like to buy cloth now to make baju kurung. I think I have changed. I still like to wear jeans but I will wear baju kurung mostly. When we went to Singapore, there's somebody's wife who looked at me not in a nice way. Not only me wearing jeans, got a few but she kept looking at me. Haiiii....I just want to enjoy myself, want to relax, feel free, nothing else. I feel lucky to have my husband. Sometimes I feel like I am just a small kid and sometimes he made me feel like a woman. I want to wear pretty clothes like other women or put on make up but I just don't know how. My husband did say that i have changed a bit, but whatever it is he still likes as who I am. I don't want to be like other women but I want to change. Be a woman.......

Hi! Nothing much to say, just want to leave a message " A wondrous heart brings wealth and good fortune". I learned it from Dr. Gan, my father's doctor. I will see you after coming back from my trip. Bye...............

love me, love me not

Hi! I am so busy since last week, with the competitions and my open house last Sunday, I really didn't have time for myself. My beautician called me because I forgot about my appointment. Had to postpone it. No time! This saturday,my family including my niece will go for a trip, Singapore trip. Yes! Our staff club organised it. Thank you cikgu mazlan. Next year, hopefully we will go somewhere further. This week is about guys who like to bully girls and girls who do not mind to be bullied or abused by their boyfriend or husband. Last week, while having breakfast with my friends, they talked about one case. The wife was abused by the husband. I told them that women must be strong and brave. We cannot let the guys to bully or abuse us. My husband did hit me once. My son made him angry so he tried to hit my son. I pulled his collar because I know if a guy was angry, he would hit so hard. My husband hit my hand. It was hard. That was the first and hopefully the last one. I was so angry that i hit him back. So, we were even. I did hit my son but he understood the reason for it. I want to teach him on how to focus on his study. But when you are angry, don't hit your children. You will hit so hard. That is not we call teaching. Pity the kids. I told my friends that we as Muslim women must respect our husband but we need to defend ourselves or protect our children. I don't think I was guilty when i hit my husband back. I told him that i don't like man who beat kids or women. The kids are small and the women are soft. If you want to fight, you have to find a man. Luckily, he listened to me. When he was angry, he just kept quiet. He would try to ignore my son. Tell you the truth, we must love ourselves first. If your husband loves you, he won't hit you. He would treat you like a lover. I know my husband loves me and my son so much but you know guys......we have to teach them on how treat us properly and lovingly. Take care.....

nobody is perfect

Hi! Have fever since Saturday. Today quite OK but coughing, ugh. I hate it. This week is pss week. Yesterday, I had scrapbook competition and just now I had two, traditional costume and history story-telling competitions. Many Indian girls took part, they looked so beautiful. Malay, only Abdul wahab took part. Chinese, as usual Yong kah Yin. This girl, she is very helpful but I have to be very careful with her. All the persons who were closed to me, she would say something bad about them. The worse thing was I always believed what she said. Then, she tried to control everything. She was so helpful that I trusted her. Luckily, I found out that she tried to cheat me. I think she knows that I don't trust her anymore. I don't tell her friends about this. Last time, after the drama competition (we got second placing), she told me that she wanted geeta to train drama next year to become champion. Stupid girl. Geeta just lost her choral speaking competition and she wanted her to train drama. One more thing, the champion was tbs this year, who else. Tbs students were so good. They made their own script, practised on their own and they could speak english so well. Compare to my students, i had to teach them on how to pronounce the words, explained the words to them, showed them the expression, hiii but i didn't mind to teach them. I just wanted them to be proud on the stage and enjoyed the performance. So far, all the competitions that I involved, including my three former schools only once I lost, the third drama in this school and all because of that sensitive word. I told pn Chiang that this girl doesn't know how to appreciate good teachers, so next time I don't want her to be in my team. Hiiii........who else can I trust? This afternoon I had lunch at my parents' house. My mom asked me to do a few things. Only one thing, I couldn't do. She asked me to do something else. I was so tired that i told my mom, you will never satisfy with me until I die. I did cry but I managed to control my emotion before going to school for the competitions. Tonight, I will have night tuition and I am not well and so tired. She never understands me. My father calmed me down and said something to my mom. May be I am not a good daughter to her. I tried to be perfect but nobody is perfect.

Hi! Had to help my sister for her daughter's wedding. Feeling tired but it's OK. Only tonight and tomorrow, the caterer will prepare the food. Really pity her second daughter. She was so damn tired. My sister and her eldest daughter like to bully her. I helped her to wash the dishes. The big sister cannot depend on other people to do it well. I think she knows that I prefer the younger one to her. I really hope and pray to god that the younger one will meet a guy who loves her and cares for her. And of course a rich guy. She's beautiful, the problem is her late father asked her to find a guy whose name is harun. And this poor girl obeyed her father's last wish. I don't like it at all. Just wait, may be the harun guy will knock her door one day. Oh ya, my library is like a little India town now. Many Indian students came and most of them were the naughty ones. But they didn't give me any problems. They will be in their group, just sit at the back. A few years ago, my library was like china town, after that balance a bit, got Chinese, Malay and Indians. Now, more Indians. At least, they are nice to me. Easy to call them if I need help. Today, our big family assembled at my parents' house, including my granddaughter, yana, my nephew's daughter. I called myself wan to her. My nieces laughed and said, it looked funny. They said wan muda. Aiya, I am 42 what. I am like a grandmother to her. Last time, I did take off my tudung on the hari ray a morning in kelantan. I wore kebaya and put on my contact lenses. Many kids came to my mother in law's house. The best part was they called me kakak and my husband pakcik, uncle la. After that my husband said, OK enough, I think you better put on your tudung. No more attention from small kids. Hiiiii...just want to look young and feel young that morning. At least my husband still worried about me.

a taboo?

Hi sorry. Had to delete my last post. I am very open to talk about it but as a Malay woman, it was inappropriate. Sometimes, I feel it is not fair. I just want to share my experience, that's all. Talking about sex is like a taboo in Malay society. That's the problem. They don't know that the Malay kids are more advanced. The kids enjoyed doing it without thinking of the consequences. I am not pointing at the wild girls only but in certain cases, it was a big surprise to know the girls who did it. Some of them looked so innocent. Don't ever think the higher education girls didn't involve. Not only smart in their study but also every thing. They know how to abort their child if they get pregnant. But they forgot if God wants them to get pregnant, how hard they tried to abort the baby, they would fail. Then the problem is where to throw the baby. I don't want the baby, he is the unwanted one, just like rubbish so, throw the baby into the dust bin. They are smart but they are worse than animal. You want to have sex is ok but make sure you get married first. I told the girls, don't let the boys touch you. Yours is exclusively for your husband. If you like to touch boys or like the boys to touch you, you won't feel the thrill on the first night of your wedding. You are immune to it. You will feel nothing. If it is so easy to touch your body before marriage, may be your husband will get bored and it will be o easy for him to leave you or dump you. The choice is yours. A temporary happiness or the forever one.

My period was late this month. I thought I was pregnant. Then, today....the same thing happened again. I cried, my son hugged me and asked me why? I looked at him and said, I am sorry I cannot give you a brother or a sister. He looked at me and said, we can take a baby from other person. I just smiled. My husband had stomachache, so he was lying down. I came and hugged him. And I cried again. He was not well but he managed to hold me and said, there's no need to cry. Everything must have a reason from god. We just accept it. I know that but I still feel so sad. I really like baby girl. When i went back to kelantan, I always looked at hajar. I always dreamed to have a daughter like her. But god didn't allow it to happen. I want to adopt a baby girl but my husband didn't like the idea. I hugged my son and kissed him. He is my life. If anything happen to him, I don't think I can accept it. I can face any problems but I will be so weak when it is related to my son. I am not that strong. People do not understand it. They don't know how much I really want to have a baby. I thought that feeling does not exist anymore but when i got my period late, the feeling came back. I feel so hurt and depressed. Allahu Akbar, Allah wants to test me. Try to accept it with open heart. Bye....

drive carefully, please

Hi! Just came back from kelantan yesterday. Had an accident in trengganu last Friday, after breaking our fast. I did not know what happened to my husband. He was like in a hurry and he always drove too close behind a car. I had told him already but he didn't pay attention. He just drove. That night before the accident, he made an emergency break .The car behind us managed to stop but the driver of the third car drove so fast that he couldn't stop his car. So, he hit the second car and the second car hit my car. I was like 'What?' So, we went out to check our car. My son was so angry that he said bad words about the other drivers. So, I left him alone inside the car. Luckily, there was only a scratch on my car , the rest no problem. The other two cars, really need insurance to cover. The Alza owner told me that she just bought her car last year. I looked at her and said that I just bought my crv last month, then she kept quiet. Her car was the second one, so the bonnet and the boot were bad. So was myvi, the third car. Got problem with the bonnet. It was so bad. Both of them will claim insurance so, we just continued our journey to kelantan. At first I was angry with my husband. Not only me, but my son too. When i think of the positive side, we were so lucky. Nothing happened to us and to my car. My husband learned his mistake so well. He made sure that he didn't drive so fast and there was a gap between the two cars. So, we reached home safely yesterday. No accident and everybody was happy. Thank God! Bye.....

deep in my heart

Hi! We are on the way to go back to kelantan.I am waiting for my husband outside the mosque in kemaman. He is performing his Friday prayer. My husband asked my son to accompany me. That boy didn't look happy but he listened to him. I am worried about my mother. The doctor told me that she was depressed. She didn't look happy. I love my mother but there's something that stopped me from showing my true love to her. Not like my father. It will be so easy with him. I was angry at her before because I think she is not fair. But she is a mother. She knows what is good and what is bad for her children. She knows I can handle any problems. She made me tough. Sometimes, I don't like the way she treated her relatives. It 's like she 's being bullied. I don't like it at all. I would speak out and my mother would get angry at me. She thinks I was rude to her relatives or to her other children. After this I wii try to behave myself. As long as she is happy, I won't say anything. If only she knows how much I love her...........

selamat hari raya

Hi! This Friday I will go back to kelantan. We will stay there until Wednesday. Never mind, his parents are my parents too. No big deal. I am so lucky because we live here in negeri sembilan. Almost every day I can see my parents' face but my husband? Only during the holidays. We cannot be sefish. He is so good to buy a house here so I can be closed to my parents. As long as I have my husband and my son be by my side, I will try to be happy in kelantan. His parents are good. His mom will cook nasi dagang early in the morning. Then, we will go to the mosque to perform hari ray a prayer. After that, we will visit his relatives. I cannot imagine the food they will serve for us. So good. But on the second day, do not expect to have satay, rice or laksa. Most of his old relatives will start their puasa enam. We just have a chat and eat the ray a biscuits. Everybody will talk about their family..........and I just listen. Why? I do not understand kelantan accent that well so, better listen than saying the wrong words. That will be my life in kelantan. Oh ya, I got my promotion. I am the youngest teacher who gets dg 48 at my school. My seniors especially, Mr ng said that I was so lucky. Oh ya, my right eye would blink a few days before I got good news. Last time, I was so scared when my right eye kept blinking. I surfed internet. If it is right eye, it means good fortune but if your left eye is blinking it means you will get bad news. I don't know. May be it was just coincidence. OK, byr-bye and take care. Selamat Hari Ray a....drive carefully. I should tell that to my husband, sometimes he drove like Michael Schumacher.

are you smoking?

Hi!I almost finish the work today. Kalai and gang helped me a lot. Gave them duit raya. Kalai didn't want to accept my money but when I said it was duit raya and if they didn't want to accept it, I will give that money to other students. It was a relief when he and his gang accepted it. I really appreciate their help. Thank you so much. But working with this kind of students gave me a problem. When there was a break, they went out . When they came back, I smelled something, cigarette smoke. Hii...smoking. My husband stopped smoking after coming back from our second umrah. All of a sudden he didn't like to smoke anymore until now. I still remember our first dating. He asked me whether I like a smoking guy or not. I told him that I didn't mind. But after I have Ahmad, I become health conscious. My son has athma, so we have to be very careful. I made a smoking corner outside my parent's house. For our own house, I made two places for smoking, near the porch and outside our kitchen( it is for my father actually. He was scared to sit in front alone, so here he could see me. My adorable father). Nothing much to say. I am exhausted. I think I want to break my fast with my parents. I want to buy nasi ayam kfc today. My father will love it. Bye........

The right guy

Hi! Today I had a chat with my student, a girl. Well, we talked about boys. She is a very smart girl. Her boyfriend is not like her, playful and not matured. I don't know. May be this is what we call love. I don't mind if the guys are not rich or less smart but they must be responsible, caring and hardworking. I like kalai selvam. His class is 5 mpv (the last class) . When I found out that his girlfriend is a 5 SC prefect. I just said, love is really blind. Then, when this boy helped me a lot, wow he has a charisma. He has his vision. He knows that he cannot do well in his study, he learns technical thing like repairing car or whatever. He helped me in the library, all the Indian girls looked at him and said something. This boy didn't even look at them. He just did his work. Very loyal. Now I have no comment about them. As long as they know the limit. The girl will get a good result in spm and the boy will take care of her in his own way. The problem is if the boy that we love is lazy, irresponsible, playful, just know the word enjoy and likes to flirt. Better to forget him. I told that girl, it is a long way to go. After this you will go to a university or college, you will meet new boys. Then, you will get a good job and meet new guys. I asked her to make a choice, a guy that you love but irresponsible or the guy that you don't love but very responsible. He knows how to take care of himself and of course he will take a good care of us. Sooner or later you will fall in love with this kind of guy. Love is important but make sure we give our love to the right person, the person who deserves it...........bye.

just a comment from me

Hi! I watched the match last night, lee Hong Wei vs Lin Dan. I think both of them were good. For the first time, I saw Lin Dan panicked during the match. CHONG WEI WAS BETTER THAN BEFORE. He was so energetic. But why did he lose? Easy. He should meet misbun sidek, his former coach before he left malaysia or at least called him before the final match. He should respect misbun because he was the one who made Hong Wei to become world number one badminton player then. He should not forget what misbun had done for him. Every body said Hong Wei was a good guy compare to Lin Dan. He is good but he does not respect his former coach and that is bad. Lin Dan has the fierce look but a soft heart. All of us could see his wife and mom came to support him. He was very patriotic indeed. He really loved his country ( we could see from his action). I told my students many times. You must respect your parents and teachers. They will pray for your success. In 2009, there was one girl who was rude to me. I was giving the class the techniques of answering, she made noise. I told her that if she didn't want to listen, she could leave. So she left. It was bad. I prayed to god please let this girl passed this paper. She had tuition outside so she didn't need my class. I was scared this girl would fail. When the result came out, all her friends got b or c. She got d. At least she passed, thank god. I don't want my students to worship me, I don't mind if they didn't give me a present, I just want them to respect me. Not to salute me. Just pay attention during my class. If you are so good but your attitude is bad, I don't think you can do well in your exam. I also learn from my mistake. I can't hurt my mother's feeling, if I do that my life will be like hell. When I was in form five and at university, I did hurt her feeling. I failed one subject (school one) and one paper (university one) . Until now, before I do something I will get her permission. I will ask her first. That's why I cannot be bad, god will punish me. Dusyum, dusyum. Once again, BE GOOD.........

dam! dum! bunyi mercun

Hi! Two more weeks before hari raya. My son begged me to buy him firework and I just said no. I don't want him to get hurt. He said that he will buy it from his friend and they will play at school. Where did he learn that threatening skill? May be my husband will buy that thing for him. When I was small, my bothers would buy that thing for us, the girls. As the youngest one, I preferred to watch them playing it. I was scared to hold it. Another scary thing is balloon. I like balloon and firework but I am just scared. Same with the height. Now, I am quite OK. Last time, I wouldn't dare to look down. All because of my second floor library. Sometimes, when I need my students' help, I just shout from there. Lots of practice can overcome your phobia. Tonight, I will go to the mosque to perform terawih prayer. No homemade hwri ray a cookies, just ordered as usual. Pity my big oven! Next time OK.

Just be good, ok

Hi! I think my eyesight is getting worse. It is time to visit the optometrist. Later la. This afternoon at school, suddenly I had chest pained. I stopped doing my work. I went to the canteen and bought some food, ayam percik, masak as am ikan tenggiri, Tempe goreng and masak lemak peria. Yummee, yummee, yummee. Heiiii be patient, I still have another three hours. Focus on the topic please. Why people like me so lazy to see a doctor? First, now I don't feel the pain anymore, so relax. May be I am just tired. If I want to see a doctor, I need my husband to take me there. It means I have to tell him about my chestpained and he will get worry. No need. I always think of other people first. Tried to change but I can't. I told my mom once that I am tired of being good. My mom asked me back, did you lose anythin when you are good? I told her no. In fact I got everything I want or more than what other people got. Then, she said, see, there's nothing wrong to be good. You should be grateful to God. Yes, what she said is right. We should appreciate what we have. I sacrifice for my family, God makes my life easy. It 's boring but better than people who lead difficult life. When I think of it....I AM So LUCKY.

Hi! My first day of fasting after seven days break. I am completely fine. Today, I had a chat with form one boys. They asked me about my Facebook. I told them that I have the account but I never open my Facebook. They asked me why? I said I was just curious to know about Facebook. I got e mails from the ones who want to join my Facebook but I just ignored. Same with being the follower of my own blog. I had problem with my blog at first so I just clicked sign in and walla i became the follower of my own blog. Idiot! And then the boys asked me whether I have friends. I said yes but I just want to focus on my family. Then, one boy said I should know how to divide my time. Just spend one hour on Facebook just like what his mother did. I told them that I have blog because I love writing. Another boy said,"boring ma'. Never mind everybody has their own opinion. Oh ya, my son did fast but only half days. 12.30pm he will break his fast. At least he tried. Oh ya! I did have the experience fasting in mecca and Medina. They didn't think of the food too much. As long as they had the dates and zam-zam water, enough. After that they I'll perform maghrib, isyak and terawih. Unlike us, from Malaysia. After performing maghrib prayer,we would go back to our hotel to have our sort of dinner. I really salute the people there. They were not rich but their iman and love to Allah is infinity. As long as they could perform umrah, visited rosulullah 's tomb and kaabah, they didn't care about the accommodation, transport, food or shopping. They just want to visit Allah's house, kaabah and they missed their rosulullah by visiting his tomb. Oh God I really miss to do all that. Do you know that our rosul was the perfect example of everything, marriage, love, children and friendship. He was the best and I mean it. I read articles about him and so far nobody could beat his kindness, gentleness, etc. Solawat for you our rosulullah.

A message to all couples

Hi! Just read articles about kristen Stewart cheats on Robert pattison. It was awful. I feel pity to both of them. I don't know why she did that but ma y be she's bored of being a good, loyal girlfriend. I think she loves Robert but she needs something to excite her dull, tired life. I am very sure she's not in love with the director, it's just a fling. Robert is too perfect or too good. One more thing a long distance relationship is a disaster. If you love someone, you won't leave her. Well, you can call her but it won't be the same. Certain type of women or men need their loved one to be by their side. Who will know your problem that you face, who will give you support right away and who will be there when you need someone....always the loved one. But what about if he's not around. He or she just listen to your voice only without knowing the real problem that you face. Hiiii...next time just follow the loved one anywhere he or she goes. If not, ask her or him to resign. Settle. Last time when I wanted to further my study abroad, my husband told me that he would take one year leave. He would leave his job for a year to be by my side. At the same time, he could tale care of our son there. When he said that, I was like oh my god this man wants to sacrifice his seniority just because I want to fulfill my dream. No way, he is the captain of this family, I won't let him to do that. So, I just cancelled it and now my husband got his promotion. That's more important than my dream. Husband and wife, girlfriend boyfriend cannot be in differerent way. There is only one way and we must always be together to share everything, the pain, the happiness and what is more important is LOVE. Put down our ego, remember all the good things that both of you share together , learn from your mistakes, starts a new life together.

Hi! Just got my new car last Saturday. OK lah. My only problem is the handbrake. I have to push it using my left foot. I think after one week I'll get use to it. Cikgu mazlan had requested to sell my crv to him. I don't know, may be this will be my last car. My first car was the cute kanchil, Gen 2 was the second one. After that I bought innova. So far, the best car was Inova. I felt safe. It was like a mother hugging a baby. Kanchil was scary, gen-2, the freedom but the boot was too small and crv, I feel anxious. Hiiii....can I change the topic? My parents are not well. I tried to help them but that's not enough. Must have someone to stay with them. Need to cook and clean the house. If we don't have a house may be we will move. Oh my god I feel so sleepy, need to take a map. Bye.

Ramadhan comes again......

Hi! Tomorrow will be the first day of Ramadhan. One boy asked me to go to his class to eat if I feel hungry. Very helpful but no thanks. My weakness is fasting because I love eating. I still remember my remove student asked me whether I was hungry because I kept scolding them. Sorry. There was an Indian girl in 2008 who was so worried about me. When I was not fasting (well, you know women cannot fast if they are having period) I just had dates and mineral water, enough but this girl bought for me cakes. She's so scared that I would pass out. When I was a small kid, after coming back from school, I would open the fridge and sat near it. It was so cool. Then, when I was a teenager, I would open the recipe books. I would read the ingredients and how to cook it. Looking at the picture of the food really calm me down. I hate feeding my niece and my nephew. It was like better to put the food into my mouth than their mouths. Now, I am OK. The food I have no problem to ignore but the thirst. I just pray to God it won't be so hot. My son, he is like me. Last year he didn't fast at all. He drank water from the tap in the toilet. Everybody in his school knew about it. So, I allowed him to bring his tumbler to school and because of that many of his friends followed his step. They also didn't fast. I really-really hope he will fast this year. Last year, I promised to buy him a mobile phone if he could fast for the whole month. But that boy didn't care at all. He said water is more important than the phone. OK, happy fasting. May all of us will become good Muslims. Amin.

Hi! I am still waiting for my new car. A few students did ask me about my Inova. I said bye-bye to that car last Monday. I got the buyer already. That Honda salesman promised me that I will get my car this Saturday. Well, we just wait. Actually, crv is not my dream car. My husband loves it and he said it is more Practical compare to Inova. My dream car is more than rm200,000. Aiya..it is really a car in my dream only. Now, I have problem with remembering people. Last time, a man said hello to me and we did had a chat. I thought he was a teacher but I didn't ask. Then before he left he raised his hand to my husband who was inside his car. Then I asked my husband who was that teacher. He looked at me and said that man is not a teacher, he is the fish monger at the PS market. Alamak, lucky I didn't ask that guy if not he would laugh at me. I have a good friend now. We always talk about cars. He is deaf so, how to communicate with him is through writing. This morning at the library, he sang a song to me. I couldn't understand what he said but he's OK. Had to force him to go back to his class. He knows all about cars especially the luxury ones. He knows when the new cars will come out and told me which cars are good. I have loyal customers at the library, Kevin's group. They are good, sometimes I asked them to help me. They always booked one place at the back . They didn't make noise, the only problem is it's so difficult to ask them to leave the library sometimes. But they will listen to me at last.III....kids

man, man and man

Do we need man in our life? Some of us (the women) think that without man we still can survive or our life is better without man. But what about me? Since I was small, I was close to my father. I shared my secret with him. He never told my mother. He really kept his promise. I have the best father. He always consoled me if my mother hurt my feeling. He didn't want me to feel difference when I was with my family. He would mention the great thing I did to my siblings and our relatives. He always proud of me. Now, I have another two men in my life, my husband and my son. They always make me happy. When I feel sad or scared, I just remember them. I feel stronger. I am just lucky to have good men in my life. My father never hit me . My husband too. That's why my son always hides behind me because he knows my husband won't hurt his protective mama. I told my students today that I don't mind to lose all my old friends but I don't want to lose my family. They still sent me messages asking me to join their activities. They can't accept that I have changed. I just want to lead a simple, happy life with my family. Oh ya about my intention to hand pss over to the young, single teacher.....that guy said no. I have already reached the peak that I do not want to hold this job anymore. I am very sure our school still can get A without me. I have prepared everything. She just needs to maintain it or beautify it. Easy. And I can focus on my job, teaching the critical subject. He doesn't see it. I want to see him but my hands tie up because of my son. I am afraid that if I make him angry, I can't fetch my son anymore. Last time during the meeting I did say something on how to improve the students' result. He didn't accept my idea and said something about controlling the teachers who go out which was not related to my suggestion. I knew he mean me so I just kept quiet after that. My husband reminded me so many times not to speak during the meeting. Just be a passive member and I will be safe. Some of the guys can't accept smarter women. Just listen to them and be good. Yucks!

Pss week is postponed. May be we will have it one week after hari raya. Hiiiii...never mind, i jut change the date. Last Friday, we went to see Spiderman movie. It was so damn good. It was better than avengers and all the old Spiderman movies. I love the story. It was more touching. The character was better. The new Spiderman was funny, romantic ,rebellious and sensitive. Ahmad loved watching it. He clapped his hands whenever the Spiderman showed himself. This Thursday I have to sit for a test. Yucks. I am still waiting for my crv. Patient, patient and be patient. Bye!

sorry!

Hi! Sorry for using the harsh words in the last post. I just do not understand why people need to be arrogant. We get nothing. I still remember a few pupils who were so good to me when I was in perak. Pupils from the last class in form five. The boys were so naughty. I was young at the time so they liked to disturb me. One day when I went into the class, the boys were doing work so they made a face and lazy to stand up. I was so angry, I just left the class. I didn't want to teach them. I went to the staff room and the girls came to apologise. I forgave them but I still didn't want to teach. What happened on the next day was the boys made a long line outside their class so before I entered , each one of them sang maafkan kami, maafkan kami. The girls also helped me a lot. Any ptogrammes at school, they would help me to arrange the tables, decorate the skirting, everything and never ask me to give them a treat at the canteen or ask money. When I was not well, the boys and girls came to my house with their motobikes. My husband was like...oh my God. On their last day at school, the girls came to see me. We cried. All the teachers looked at me and wondered why I cried for this kind of students. They were from the last class and of course we could not depend on them to get a good result. To me, good result is not important. They had the feeling of empathy, sympathy, respect, love that is more than enough! So far, I cried three times because of missing my students, the perak students, Rita and chong. I don't know may be they did touch my heart.

oh girl, please

Hi! There's something I am not satisfied with the students' attitude today. I don't know why they are so arrogant. If they think they are beautiful, there are women who are more beautiful than them. If they think they are smart, there are other students who are smarter than them, especially students at boarding school. You cannot imagine it. They know how to use their smart brain. They know which one is right and which is wrong. That's what we call "WISE". If they think they are rich, that is not their money, it is their parents' money. Why are you so proud? This is my principle of my life. If I think I am beautiful, there is another woman who is more beautiful than me,if I think I am rich, I should be ashame of myself. We have billionaires out there who are very humble. What about smart? I don't think I am smart ,with this age, my memory is not as good as before. But I am still good at making decision. If I think I am good, still there is someone who is better than me. This is life. You have to look at people around you with open eyes and open mind. Be realistic! To the naughty girls out there, what do you really want in your life. I was naughty but I had the limit. I wouldn't do something that would smudge my parents' image. Try to think wisely, if you are so bad can you become a good mother, teach your children the right thing to do. What about the guys? They enjoy to have this kind of woman as their friends or girlfriends but as the wife I don't think so. If I ask you to choose, the uncovered food with flies flying over it or the covered food, make you feel curious to know what is the food under the cover. Is it delicious? So, what is your choice?

long time no see

Hi! Miss my blog but lots of things to do. The grass, settled. My husband bought me Samsung galaxy tablet 7.0. I was so happy that I kissed him so many times on his face. I bought the small size because I can put it inside my handbag. Now, I a waiting for my new car. Luckily, my father let me to borrow his car. Next week, pss week. No cooking competition. I focus on history and agama subject. I made a bit change. I hope the school has no problem with my idea. I am tired but I am happy with my life. Next year I don't think I want to hold this job. I will pass it to a new teacher. May be she is better than me. A young,single teacher with fresh ideas. Hopefully,but I haven't discussed with cikgu aziz. Just hope that he will accept the fact that I really need to leave pss. I want to focus on my subject only. That is more important. Teaching is my passion and I think I will do the best for it.

Hi! Miss my blog. Today, I had "Program Khidmat Bantu" for my PSS. PSS coordinators from other schools came to help me. Just focused on BBM room, Galeri Sejarah, APD room and the library. I chose 20 Resource Centre Prefects (librarians) to help me. But there were other boys from 2C who were willing to help(or they were lazy to study). They just stood outside the BBM room waiting for me to call them. Luckily, their teacher understood my problem. We managed to finish our work. I love all of them and thank you so much. Oh ya about my 3A class. More than 20 students got B and two students got A. Only two students got D. The rest all C. I really hope the B graders will get A in their PMR. My 3C, only one student got C, a few got D and the rest.....kiok.But I am very sure many of them can pass in PMR. Koo Siang Lam didn't sit for my paper. I don't know his problem. Last time, when he was rude in my class, I told the administrators but they couldn't help me. Then, I went to his class to ask him to go to the library. Face to face. I wanted to know his problem but he always looked down. I told him to respect me as a teacher in his class by keeping quiet. I know he can pass his English but he would make other students to fail by making noise. I told him that outside the classroom we can be friends but inside the classroom, I am still his teacher. He just nodded. Only once he was in my class (he didn't make noise) after that.....missing. He didn't sit for my English paper...haiii. I won't ask him why? He's a big boy, he should think better. Good night!

Kelantan as the food paradise

Hi! Just returned from Kelantan. BEST....I call this state as a food paradise. The food was so good. The big sweet sour prawn, the big grilled squid, grilled fish, the soup, I love all the food. It's better not to live here, if not I will die after two or three years. The price was reasonable. You will have maximum satisfaction. Just go to Siti Khadijah Market, oh my God, don't know how to say it but to all food lovers please, please and please go to Kelantan. I didn't care about my cholesterol. Just ate, ate and ate. Did't have time to taste the gearbox soup. May be this December. Whatever I chose, my son would follow. He knew very well about my good taste of food. My husband also enjoyed himself. He asked me to choose the biggest prawn. I felt guilty looking at him after eating all the food. Sorry lah , awak dapat isteri dan anak yang suka makan or can I say cinta pada makanan (not only like but love the food)? Luckily, he didn't mind at all. He just smiled. I did cook at his parents' house. As usual the seafood tom yam, my father in law's favourite. He said that mine was better than he had at the restaurant. Yahoo. Everybody loved my sambal udang petai and my sambal berlada paru. I think I am good at cooking now. So proud of myself. Bought my father's hari raya clothes (complete with baju melayu, sarung and kopiah) and two bottles of gamat jelly (sea cucumber jelly). It's my obligation to buy something for my parents. I know they have a lot of money but I don't care. I love them and I want to give them presents. Tell you the truth, when you treat your parents nicely, God will reward you. You don't have to wait in the hereafter but you can have it in this world. Believe me. Tomorrow I will start my replacemet fasting (puasa qada') until Sunday and I also need to check the exam papers. So, see you after the school break. I will miss my blog. Bye...

Have a sweet dream!

Hi! I went to Malacca today. Shopping for Hari Raya cloths. I bought five for me and one for my mother. My husband bought cloths and samping for him and Ahmad. He also bought for his mother and his wife..yabeda bedu. Thank you. This Wednesday, we will go back to Kelantan. Spend a few days there. Next week, I wii call the nursery to plant grass around our house (may be just the left side,if money is not enough). One side only will cost us more than RM1000.00. I didn't cook anything today opps except for breakfast (just a fried rice). Tonight we just had nasi ayam Mustafa. Ok lah. I couldn't finish it as I just had chicken grilled at Jaya Jusco for my lunch. Terrible right. I think it is time for me to have a health check up. My two sisters had been checked already. My eldest sister has diabetes and high blood pressure. The second one has no problem but she becomes health conscious now, less sugar, less rice at night, bla, bla and bla. I don't want the doctor to check me because I am afraid I have to control my diet, cannot eat this, cannot eat that, especially prawns. So sad. My husband ate less rice now. He didn't want to have a pot belly. I told him that the lesser hair he has and the bigger his belly is, girls will think he has a lot of money. He just kept quiet. I have no more backpained now, thank God. The hot spring really helps a lot. Oh ya, I will sleep early tonight. I need to do a lot of things tomorrow, pay all the bills, pack my clothes and Ahmad's, send my cloths to Su (my tailor), buy a big tv for my mom (actually I just order, my mom will pay) and visit my...tut. Secret. Don't want to mention it here. I have a feeling, somebody (the unwelcome one) reads my blog. So, not all I can share with you. Well, it is time to call it a day....Good night and take care!

Dizzy

Hi! Nothing much to do so I can update my blog almost every day. Actually I have exam papers to check but I still have next week to do it. Relax....I called my friend, Jep (Dr Jep)last Wednesday. Just wanted to say sorry for not coming to her house on Wesak's Day. She was angry but after I explained the reason, she's ok. I still call her Jep, should call her Alin. She's a mother of three heroes. Wow! I took my father to see a specialist on that day. He suspected that my father had tumor in his tummy. Luckily, he just has ulcer. It was a big relief but he still has to take a few precaution, less smoking, no chillies and no fruits. He also takes gamat jelly (sea cucumber) twice a day. I think after six months my father will be ok. Feeling a bit dizzy. Last night I watched GI Joe until 1.00 a.m. My husband was not at home (camping babe, he is the deputy commandant) and my son slept already. I felt sleepy but I forced myself to watch it. Bye for now

Please accept us as who we are

Hi! Last night I watched a video "What's your number". Oh my God. It was hilarious. I love it. The story was simple. It's about a woman who wanted to find a husband (after she had slept with 20 different men). She came across an article saying that if it is more than 19 she would be single forever. The number 20 should be her husband. So, she needed to find all her ex-boyfriends with the help of her sex maniac neighbour. This guy was actually a good one. When he knew that he was in love with Ally (the woman), he stopped doing that crazy thing. The most important thing is that Colin (the guy) can accept as who she is. She just be herself when she was with Colin. At last, both of them were together and later they found out that he was her number 20 (she didn't sleep with the last guy because she was too drunk). So cute! Well, when we can be ourselves, we will be happy with our life. My early marriage, I was not that happy. My husband wanted me to be the kind of woman that he liked (the problem is when we were dating, he never said that or didn't make any comment of my clothes). It was so frustrated to be in the world that you did not fit in. May be, my husband could see the change of me. I seldom talked to him or I don't know, he just noticed it. He didn't want to lose me so, we talked. I told him that I was not happy with my life anymore. It was so dull. Ahmad was so small at that time. I have a husband but I don't feel anything. He was generous. He gave me whatever I wanted but that was it. I felt nothing. Then, he tried to accept me as who I am. I can talk anything with him. I can wear anything. Now, I like to wear slippers (although he did ask me to wear branded ones, I just said no, thank you. These are better. I feel free). Shoes are too formal. He let me listen to my fly.fm sometimes although his favourite was Sinar.fm. He let me to make stupid dance with Ahmad in front of him although I did see him raising his eyebrow, looking confused. We are different but when he appreciates me as who I am, I really feel grateful. Last time, I just had the feeling of respect to him as my husband. Now, I love and adore him. Thank you for accepting me as who I am. Love you, love you and love you.

Be happy, be happy, be happy

Hi! Don't like the school anymore. Lots of things that I am not satisfied. Everything is upside down. I had class with my 3A until 10.40 a.m but until 11.35, no teacher came. The students were having Science Paper 2 until 12.00 o'clock. I just left the class. I went to the office, both of the administrators didn't help at all. So, that's it. I don't know who collect their exam papers and I don't give a damn.Our banglong was always not around, the other three (bang ngah, bang teh and bang cik) couldn't work together, the teachers took advantage and the students especially the naughty ones had party at school all the time (it was so noisy). This is not a school anymore, it is a circus or funfair. This coming break, I will really-really enjoy myself. Don't want to think of the school anymore. I have good news, my skin is quite ok now. Vivien (my new beautician) was not angry anymore. She told me that my skin was soft, moist and bright a bit. She likes it. Every time I went there, she would cut a few spot on my face. She reminded me many times not to peel them. There was one, looked like a big mole on my cheek (sebijik macam Pua Chu Kang)but after a few days, it was gone. Luckily, there was no scar. My husband was worried. He kept reminding me about our age. Aiya, I know I am old. Last time Kak Datin asked me to have an eye-laser treatment. No more glasses, no more lenses. I don't think I will do it. I feel comfortable wearing glasses at school. But who knows I will change my mind one day.....

Hi! Last time a girl cried in my class. She had problem with her family and boyfriend. I thought she will break up with him but hiiiii they are still together. Actually, I do not mind with this boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. If everything goes well, this girl will get good results in all her exams but what about if it doesn't go well. I am afraid this girl is not strong enough to face it. I told the class about my experience. Man is like a booster. My results were good until my third year. Although my ex-boyfriend was not around (we were not in the same university), I could feel he was supporting me. Examination was like a piece of cake. No problem. When I lost him (after 10 years relationship), I just felt empty. I had many friends but it's not same. When I had problem, I wanted to call him asking for advice. Then, I realised it was no more. I forgot that our relationship was dead. My parents were my great supporters. It's not easy to forget that Capricorn guy. So, my final exam result was not that good. Just consider that I was lucky to get my degree. May be both of us were young and couldn't think well. Capricorn guy was so possessive. He never showed it to me but when he heard rumours about something, he would see that boy or guy face to face. After that, the boy or the guy would never disturb me. At first I did not notice it, although my friends did tell me about it. After a few incidents, then I realised but I was not angry,he just wanted to protect me. Better to forget him. He has his family and so do I. Talking about family, my husband asked me to make a choice, Singapore or Samsung Galaxy tablet/note. He wanted to give me a present. I prefer Samsung Galaxy tablet. The price was around RM 1800 something. Ah Tan told me that it is cheaper if I buy it from Chong, RM 1600. The price is tempting but may be the product is not original, that's why it is cheap. Need to ask Lok, he knows everything about gadgets. Last year I bought my ASUS notebook from him. I thought my husband won't use mine as he has his own but he preferred to use mine. It was faster. That's why I need the tablet!

Please forgive me, Abah

Tonight is my father's birthday kenduri but I won't go. I know it will upset my father but I have no choice. My husband does understand my situation and he just accepts my action. Let them enjoy themselves tonight. I think I'll be ok. I did not cry in front of them but I am crying now. So sad. I will miss the most important person in my life's birthday. I pray to God for my father's health. I don't know. I am so confused. I really-really love my family but they do not understand it. After this I won't say anything, I will keep my mouth shut. I will become a stranger to them, not as their youngest sister. I feel guilty to my son. He kept asking why he couldn't go to my mother's house to celebrate his atuk's birthday. I am so sorry. Please forgive me. I feel so tired......Happy birthday Abah, I love you!

Be grateful!

Hi! Actually I have no mood to type. I paid too much attention on the drama that I had sleepless nights almost one week. I just hope everything will be ok after the competition. Tonight I will watch a video "the vow". I just read the synopsis. It was about the wife who had lost her memory after having an accident. The husband tried to make his wife fell in love with him again. I don't know. The main reason that I have blogs because I am so scared that if one day I will lose my memory and forget all the people that I cared. It will be so bad to live with strangers who are actually the people you had loved once. I am not that good at driving. Just hope that situation won't happen to me. Shu..shu...shu....don't want to think of it. Good news...my husband gets a promotion. Now, he is in DG48. Not bad. He always makes me happy and this is what he got in return. Ustaz did say once that I was a lucky person ( orang yang bertuah). Tell you the truth, I was the unwanted baby. My mother tried to abort me many times but I still wanted to live. Too strong to be killed! A terminator baby huh!I knew the story when I was 12 years old. My aunty told me. That's why I became a rebellious teenager. So, after I was born, my mother started her business. A maid took care of me. My mother did it so well. My parents bought assets. When we stayed with my parents for eight years, my father was fine but after we moved out, my father's health was not good. Last time, two teachers from DUHA(SMK Dato' Undang Hj Adnan) came to my school to learn something from me. I really wanted to help their PSS that I asked one of the teachers to save one folder in her thumbdrive. But while I was talking to her friend, she saved all my works including my strategic plans. I was so angry but didn't want to say anything because they were my guests. Later, her thumbdrive got virus and she lost everything. She called me wanted to do the same thing. Betul-betul tak tahu malu. I had many miss calls from her. I called her a desperate teacher. Only once I answered her call, the rest became history. May be it is just coincident. But I really thank to God for giving me every thing(except babies but it is ok, I still have my handsome boy, Ahmad). Love You, God.

Hi!Today we talk about the hottest issue in Malaysia, gay among the Malay guys. Out of ten Malay guys, three or five are gay. Scarry, isn't it. It is a very sensitive issue but to me it is so simple. Why was Eve created in heaven? All because of Adam. He needed a woman to fulfill his needs. God didn't create a woman and a guy for Adam, just Eve (Hawa). When I was in boarding school, got a few girls couples. Even in my group, there were two couples. But one couple was so serious, her partner always had a love bite on her neck. Crazy. I didn't like their attitude at all. We never said anything to them or advise them, afraid that it would hurt their feelings. The problem was other girls thought that all of us were the same. There was one girl put my head on her lap. I was sleeping on the floor at that time. She played with my hair and whispered "I love you" to me.I was shocked but I pretended sleeping. Really-really crazy. After that I never slept on the floor anymore, better slept on my bed or ran away to my friend's room.She got the wrong person. I am completely normal. May be the way I looked (with my sleeveless t-shirt, longsleeve shirt and long pants), I looked like a guy to her. Just be normal ok. You are safe mentally and physically. About gay in my boarding school. I've got stories but may be later......

Hi! Miss my blog. I lost my dearest Chik last fortnight. It was so sad because she was the first person in my husband's family to accept me as who I am. I knew my mother in-law preferred Kelantanese woman to marry her eldest son but the problem was her son loves me. I still remembered my husband told me that Chik asked my mother in-law to take a good care of me because she said that I was a good woman. My mother in-law told my husband about it. I am not like other Kelantanese woman. I love my faded jeans and my faded t-shirt. Cool. I am a bit rough and frank. May be she was not used to it, that's why she couldn't accept me at first. She started to accept me wholeheartedly around four or five years ago and this year I think she loves me more than I deserve to. I respect and treat my parents in-law just like my own parents. I never look down on them. It is my job to remind my husband to call his mother, to save some money in her tabung haji and to visit his family in Kelantan. I am not good at cooking but I wouldn't mind to cook for his family. The best part was they would eat whatever I cooked for them. May be now she has realized how lucky she is to have a daughter in-law like me. Chik was the first corpse I kissed. I kissed her many times. She was like sleeping on her bed. I will miss her smile and her chuckles. She always called me Mek. Last time after her death, I would cry whenever I told someone about her. May God bless her soul. Amin. People will change one day. Last year, Jep and Zihan called me (they were my red ribbon group members at school). I was so happy because at least they still remember me. They asked me so many things but I did not like some of the questions. If about my family, no problem. Then, they asked me to join their reunion in KL. I just said,"No". After that, one mangkuk guy called me a few times and sent messages to me, asking me to join that reunion. At last I answered his call. He never expected my reason for not joining them. I still remembered his words, "Kau kan salah seorang kutu (like taiko lah) yang hebat dekat sekolah, apa salah join kita orang." I told him that I am not the same person like before. "Maaf, saya dah muak dengan semua tu, sekarang saya nak tumpu pada keluarga saya." I also told him that I was not anti-social, I just prefer to spend my time with my family. That's the truth. He was shocked. I am very sure he had told every body during the reunion event. But I still did naughty thing. Last Saturday, I climbed over my fence because the remote control gate was not working ( my son tried to do the same thing but he was stucked on top of the fence). I didn't give a damn if my neighbours saw me doing it. Luckily, I wore my trackbottom that day. My husband, when I told him about it, he just laughed. He was relieved because I still had my guts. He didn't want me to be coward because of the new principal. Oh ya, my dearest husband sent a love message for the first time on Valentine's day (but he stressed that his action was not because of that day). Who cares...I just know that I love him more than before.

A motivation for me!!

Hi! Lots of things happened at school. I am feeling down until today. Tried to look happy but my face is like an open book,easy to read. I hate school. I still did my work but it's not that good. Even teaching also, sometimes I got stucked. My husband tried his best to motivate me. I told him that I will change but.....May be I was pampered by Puan Soon that I cannot accept changes. Sometimes, the new one was too much. I couldn't accept it. Last Friday, the school called me at 12.50pm. I called the clerk at 3.00pm the reason for it. She said she didn't know about it because everyone had gone home except him. I was so scared that I cried while watering my plants. Then, I sat looking at my plants. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I must fight the feeling. He wants me to accept his style and I will do it. But it's easy to say but to face him, fuh! I don't know why I have become so weak. Relax! Relax! Everything will be ok.Oh ya! Talking about motivation. Last year, one girl told me about Chong. I would use his fullname when I was angry at him. Her story made me wanted to call him but then she said no need. She said that he has grown up and he should think well. I don't know but I just listened to her. Moreover, if I did call him, I don't think he will remember me. I just hope he has good friends or at least a good buddy, that is very important. When we have problems, we need to talk to someone that can lighten our problem. When I told my story to my sisters, they laughed because they said he was very funny. They didn't help at all. But whatever our problem is, do not end our life. Do not run away from it. How scared you are or how hard the problem is, we must face it and said I CAN DO IT (not to commit suicide loh). Take care!

How to attract girls? Let me help.....

Hi! We went to Genting Highlands last Monday. Best. We really enjoyed ourselves. So many people there especially, the Chinese. It made me thinking why they were there. They should stay at home, waiting for their relatives. I don't know, may be they already had their makan besar that night, so it was ok. While waiting for the ride (it was a long queue), I played stepping feet with my son. My husband got headache watching us. He started pot, pet, pot, pet. Then, we played biting hands. I didn't know that my husband wanted to take us here (although I did mention to go to Genting during the break before but he did not give a good respond). So, it was a big surprise. But we had another problem. I did not bring my sweater. My son was lucky. I brought extra t-shirt for him. So, he wore two. Inside the monorail, my son started asking for a drink, while I started complaining about the cold. Again, my husband babbled about our inconvenience.I just hugged him and then he kept quiet. I really love this guy. He just doesn't know that I love him so much. I always want him and my son to be happy. He also wants me to be happy. He always fulfills my requests. That is why I call him my fairy godmother. Last week, I told a few boys the correct way to tackle girls. I didn't like their attitude. They like to attract my attention, they were overacting. I did not like that. Guys suppose to be gentle. Not rough. They will make the girls run away. Actually, they make me scared or bored. They should relax. My husband, he didn't like to attract my attention. He always looks at me or can I say, stare. Last time, when he looked at me I would hide my face on his chest or I looked at somewhere else. Now, no more. I will look back and make funny face. Sometimes, he will laugh (depend on his mood). And may be because of that, he is like my magnet. I feel attracted to him. I know the boys want to be funny but they don't have to act stupid. When you like someone, even when he said something serious, you will laugh because you are happy, not scared. It is not difficult. What a woman really wants in a guy is caring, gentle and matured. It doesn't mean that you are young, you are not matured. It is the way you think. That's why in certain cases, we can find the wife is older than the husband. My husband is two years older than me. He always doesn't mind if I act like a small child because he knows my mind is older than my age. Chow...

Sorry!

It has been so long. I was so busy reading all the twilight novels. It was crazy. I told my husband that he is my real life boyfriend but Edward Cullen is my fictional boyfriend. At first, he just ignored it. He thought there's no need to be jealous of that. I didn't know what did he notice of that made him so angry with me. No more twilght books. He would burn it if he saw me reading (that was end December). Hiii....now everything is back to normal. With the books that I have to check and my routine work on teaching Ahmad. But..I still read the novel before I sleep. May be for 10 minutes or 15 minutes because I have memorized the story already. So, I know which chapters or lines that I want to read. I really hope that I do not talk in my sleep. I don't know, sometimes accidentally, I will do it. Especially, when I was so tired, had a fight with someone or really thought of something. My husband would wake me up and it would be so embarassing because I thought he had heard what I said. He never told me about my dream only his expression would tell me everything. Now, about my son. He has his tuition with my friend but yesterday my friend told my husband that she could not teach him anymore. He was so stubborn. He kept saying "nak mama, mama, mama" in her class. She knew that my son was a smart kid but he didn't want to learn with her. I told my husband that I wanted to stop working. I wanted to focus on my son. Morning, I will do the housework; afternoon, help him with his homework and at night, I will teach him. I will sell all my assets; my house at Taman Clonlee, my land, insurance, even my car. My son only wants me to teach him. Last year he failed all subjects in his August monthly test because I didn't have time to teach him. With my PSS work and my form three exercise books. I sacrificed my son's result just to make sure my students got a good result. 2 weeks before his final exam, I managed to teach him ( It was PMR at that time). He got B for his Science, C for his Maths and D for English and BM. My husband asked me to wait. He didn't like my idea. I don't know. No teachers want to teach him. They do not understand him. It's so complicated. Haiii...just wait and see. Oh ya, Happy Chinese New Year to all Malaysians. I have Malay, Bugis, Java and Chinese blood. My siblings do not look alike. Both my sisters and my eldest brother look like orang putih. My Bang Ngah looks like Malay and my judge brother looks like Chinese. My look. I have no comment. I have all those features. So bad, right. My Malay student told his friend that he liked to see my face. When I went to my friend's wedding with my parents years ago, a Chinese photographer kept following me. I didn't feel comfortable. He wanted to take my photo. I didn't like it so, he said I could have my mother beside me. My mother looked so proud. She told me that no professional photographer wanted to take my sisters' photo before. I just kept quiet because I didn't like attention. I had to force myself to speak in the public and it was so hard.