Hi! It has been so long that i stop updating my blog. Well, i am back. Many things happened, the good and the bad ones but my family are still together. Welcome my new member in my family, my old daughter that's my mother. Sometimes, she would stay with us but all depend on her. I've got back my old gang, the red ribbon. Last december, they came to my house for a reunion. No husbands are allowed to join. We had fun. Ww shared stories. They have changed of course i mean our size but they are still the same persons that i have known for a long time, shamid, icol, jana, zihan, aiy ( datin aiy actually but we still call her aiy). Jepun, jali, ayu, itam and jr couldn't make it. They brought their girls, nab, shamad, kristina and cute boy, amirul. Well, see you in my next post.

heaven or hell

Have you ever think of death? I always think of it. How will I die? When will I die? Am I good enough to enter heaven? What about hell? Either one will be my permanent residence. I will be happy forever in heaven or I will be tortured forever in hell. It is scary if you think of it, I mean the hell. They said it is easy for women to enter paradise. They must take care of their solat, fasting, aurat and the husband. Solat means you do not pray late, which I am still struggling to do it. The rest I think I have no problem. I love my husband so much more than my life. I will do anything just to make him happy. He is my perfect husband now. I cannot find his mistake. He is a very good man. He knows I miss my father so he works hard to make me happy. Last time, I told him that if I die I want him to bathe me. He, alone. He won't say anything bad about my body. He is the only one I can trust. Oh ya today is my birthday. My husband bought me fish n chip and my favourite cakes from secret recipe. Thank you so much. Love you as I always do.

A salute to you, my friend

I am a bit emotional tonight. Losing my father is like I have lost my right wing. I can't fly anymore. It is sad. So sad. But i still have my husband and my son. They always support me and make me happy. They help me to walk faster so I still can reach my destiny. I consider myself as lucky because i have my family behind me. They will push me to move forward. They won't leave me behind. I wonder the one who is all alone. He or she must be a very strong person. I don't think I am that strong. A salute to you. Take care.

making love is the best remedy

Hi! I am back. Happy to update my blog. How to start? My husband downloaded whatsapp and telegram for me. My ex school mates sent me welcome messages. I met my old friends Aae, Net, shahiza online. It was great. Really great. Oh ya. Today I am going to take my mum to the famous Nasi Arab Damsyik in Seremban. Just want to make her happy. Her happiness is my priority and thanks to my husband for being so supportive. My husband and i are very closed now. I could read his mind and so did he. He knew my mood so well. He loved when i was stressed. Why? Because he knew the remedy for it. Making love. Ha! Ha! Yes. I would be OK after that and i could sleep well. No need to see a counsellor, consultant or have a holiday trip. This way is free and you will have fun. Sometimes, if I had a big programme in school or anything, I would be tensed up. But by making love, it relaxed my mind and i could think well. It's like I am ready to face any challenge on that day. I just said based on my experience. It's up to you whether you want to believe it or not. Another advantage of making love is it burns your calories. It is like you are doing physical exercise in the gym. Ha! Ha! One more thing, my old friends looked at my picture profile in the whatsapp, their comment was I still look young. Yes!

Hi. I am still alive. I still don't have the mood to write. I should be happy and i do look happy but i am not. I love my life and at the same time i hate it. I think i need a break. I want to go somewhere with my husband. I don't think he will agree. I really need to leave this place. This saturday, he will have his ldp. Then we will go to my brother's open house. Hii..boring, boring and boring.

Love you Abah

Hi! I'm back. It has been more than 100 days my father had passed away. I still cry for him. It's like a dream. Sometimes I dreamt of him. I always saw him laughing in my dreams. Once, I dreamt that he was wearing Ihram clothes in front of kaabah, like he was performing umrah. He's a good man, a very fined man. When I went to Istanbul and then performed my umrah, I always prayed for my father's long life. But on 31st of January, after coming back from kelantan, that afternoon I took care of him. Before that he vomitted lots of blood (Thursday night). He had an internal bleeding. All because of his ulcer could not tolerate with the TB medicines. That's why I rushed back to tampin ,early Friday morning. He was so happy to see me. Both of us cried because we still could see each other. When I took care of him that day, he always looked upwards. He held my hand and kissed it and then he put my hand on his chest. He nodded to somebody that i could not see. I thought it was a ghost. When he held my hand, I told him that our hands looked alike. We laughed then I cried. My father was not happy. He said something and sighed. I wiped my tears quickly and shared stories with him. He was not interested to hear my stories anymore. He was like in another world. But he kept holding my hand. That night before I left him, he touched my cheek and put his hand on his lips. That night, I told my husband that I would let my father go. That night I did not pray for his long life anymore. I just asked Allah to feel pity to my father. He was the kindest person I had ever met in my life. On 1st of February, ...............

Hi. Lots of thing happened to me. My dearest father passed away on 2nd february. It was on sunday, 5.10 am. Oh my god. I don't think i can carry on. I am still not ready. Sorry.....

you are my hero

Sorry. My hero, I mean my father is not well. I don't know. I am really worried about him. I just hope he will be ok. I really don't have the mood to share anything. In my mind, I just think of my father. I am not ready to lose him. I don't want him to leave me. It is sad. So sad. I cannot tell my friend about my father. I am afraid I will cry. I told him that if only I could share his pain but he said no. He has lived for almost 80 years old. 30th march will be his birthday. He wants me to live longer and have grandchildren or great grandchildren like him. I don't know. It is like a part of me has gone away. He did not want to eat medicine but when I begged him to eat it, he ate. I know he did not like it at all but he ate it. All because he felt pity to me. I think I better stop now. I don't want my husband to see my crying. He won't like it. I just let my heart cry..........

hello.....

Hi! It has been so long. I was busy with pmr preparation and my son's final exam. Phew.....settled. My son got b for his English, c for bm, d for his maths. The rest, history. He failed hs science for the first time because I did not teach him science at all. Pity him. I am happy for him. He got 48 for maths. It is good. Before this, he always failed his maths. Oh ya, swipe fruits game, I am addicted to this game. I scored more than 300,000 so, I am considered as master of this game. It is level 9 but if I can reach level 12, I will be considered as legend of the wizards. I beat my son. He just reached level 6, good learner. Oh ya,my husband bought his galaxy note 3 from lok. Wow, the price.......I will buy it in January, next year. Lots of money to be used this year. This December, we will go to Medina, mecca and Istanbul. We have to buy winter garments and shoes. My budget....around rm2400. I really hope it is enough. I had already bought three jubah, robes to wear for my umrah. I love wearing them. Need to buy one more. Oh ya...the form five students met me today. I did not cry. I felt sad a bit, but that 's it. Well, no more students touched my heart. Next year, I will not become guru media anymore. Chu a will take over my job. I just hope everything will be OK. Cikgu aziz told me that he will give me another work to help our school. Whatever.....I did not want to ask. Oh ya our pss kl trip last time. I was stranded with my group at klcc. Luckily, the students could find us. I called one of them and told them where we were. So, they came to fetch us. The money that fatihah collected from non librarians, I gave to the students who had not enough money to buy food that night. So, everybody was happy and reached tampin safely. Thank you to Mr Gobi, our driver. My son had fun and showed his pictures excitedly to his papa. My students, they 're wonderful! Finally, my mom pop, pep, pop, pep about my face. She was not satisfied and asked me to do something about it. So, I used my homemade mask, white egg and honey to put on my face every night. Now, it looks OK. Hiiii...I was tired before. Playing swipe fruits games and key in PBS.....it showed on my face. Thanks to my mom...one cute boy in 1 a said I was beautiful yesterday, kah! Kah! Kah!

haiiiiiiiiiiiiii

We will have a trip to kl this Saturday. Organised by pss. The bus fare is free for all librarians but to non librarians, they have to pay rm 10 only. Haii....I am not satisfied with ng. There were not enough seats so i had to drop her boyfriend and boyfriend's best friend from the list. She did not want to join the trip. Then, ng's best friends didn't want to join. Last night, fatihah called me and said that Chua and tan did not want to join the trip. Aiya.....now I have extra seats. Really give me problem this girl. Just want to show their protest. I can also do that. I won't sign anything when they ask me to do that. Pity fatihah, she works so hard for the trip. If ng did not want to go, I do understand. The other girls, I really do not understand. If she goes to kl, she will walk with her boyfriend and her boyfriend's best friend will walk behind the couple. She won't walk with this mangkuk girls. Last week, when the girls asked me why did I drop her boyfriend and his best friend from the list, ah kang and cheong were there. They wanted me to check their English papers. After the girls left, I just did tui. The two boys asked me again and i said tui. I just feel to throw up. Haiya....they are so childish. I asked Wong wen xian whether he wants to join the Chinese girls. He said no, he will join my trip. I depend on him to control the students there, especially the Chinese. Luckily, I still have a few form five Chinese girls like kah Yin and Chi a Sean. Really spoil my mood. Oh ya, my January project next year. I want to buy two mobile phones, for me and my husband. Need to find the latest ones. My husband will ask who else his best friend, lok to buy them. I don't know, I thought I want to buy them myself but never mind. My husband always knows the best for me !

had fun with my students

Dialogue a: Ng : teacher, my mother's blog, lee kuan yew likes Tee: teacher, my blog, dato lee chong Wei likes Ng, my blog, najib likes Tee: my blog, teacher likes Thong: aiya, my blog, I like Kek: my blog, nobody likes Dialogue b: Kek: if i have a lot of money, I will buy a .........( showed a picture of a bra) Teacher: not that expensive Ng: if we put diamonds on that thing, it will be expensive maaaa. Dialogue c: Group presentation Group a: how to describe myself. (He showed a picture of a handsome Chinese actor ) I think I am handsome and tall like him Group b: how to describe myself ( showed a picture of k pop artist) I think I am pretty like her Ulul: ( looked at his friends) I don't want to live in this planet anymore

Today is hidup untuk makan time. This morning, we will go to eat fried kue tiaw stall opposite wangsamas hotel or petronas, tampin. That is the best kue tiaw here. Then, for our lunch, I want to take them ops they will take me as I am not good at driving. We will go to smz Thai steamboat and BBQ. It will be my first time to go there. Hopefully, we will find the place. My form three will sit for their pmr next week. All the best, especially to my 3 a. I like that class. They are not like other form three classes, I had taught before. They are more relaxed and cool. Some of the students were a bit poyo, yalah a class, the best class but this class is different. They are just kids who want to have fun and enjoy their lives. They were like me when i was a student at boarding school, friends and had fun were my priorities except five months before I sat for spm. That time, I needed to focus because spm was my future. Ya, I was angry when they did not listen to me ( a few of them did not understend English at all ) but they are good kids. Just pray the best for them.

happy birthday to me!

Hi! I am still at school, want to update my blog. Soooooooo busy. My dearest sister, kak chik has gone to mecca, performs her hajj. I hope she and her husband will be OK there. Allah will take care of them. I miss her. I will cry if i remember her. Now, I am crying. Good news, my mother in-law is trying to walk now. She could eat rice and other food except the hot and spicy ones. My father in-law, he is still cool. I cooked beef soup for him last week. I told him that he must eat good food for his recovery. He always smiled at me but sometimes he looked worried. He listened to my stories and sometimes he would laugh. I think he is worried about me. I try to make every one happy but frankly speaking, I am so tired. Today is my birthday, my 3a babies, especially jian and kai Yuan sang happy birthday song to me. Thank you, thank you and thank you. Then, my 5 science babies also sang that song. Some of the students wished me happy birthday and i got a few birthday presents. Thank you. My son told me that last night my husband went out to buy flowers for me but the shops were closed. Hiiiii......getting old. 43 years old ugh!

sorry.....

Hi! My father in-law had an accident. He has a blood clot in his head but the doctor didn't want him to go for a surgery. It is a bit only may be it can heal itself. I am just not sure of it. When my husband broke the bad news, I cried. I am closed to him. On our first hari raya, I made Soto for the guests. He felt pity because I worked so hard for it. After hari raya solat, he invited our imam to come to his house to taste my Soto. It was so embarrassing at first because I did not think my Soto tasted that good. Later, before the imam left, he looked at me and smiled. It was a big relief. My pegedil, chicken and seven packets of nasi himpit, all finished. My father in-law loves my chicken soup that he ate it until the next day. He is a very good man. Now, I have a big problem. My husband told me that we will move to kelantan one day. May be next year or another four years. All depend on the situation. He is worried about his parents. I don't think I want to follow him. I love my husband and i do understand his problem but i am scared. When i was in perak, I had been sihir by someone and some of them were not good to me. They could not accept an outsider who had more than them. Jealousy, it was terrible. I am so scared people will treat me the same way like in perak. Here, I have my parents, my siblings and my relatives. They are better than strangers. I will stay here with my son and try to be independence. He didn't like my idea. He still wants me to follow him anywhere he goes. I am still stick to my decision. It is still no...........

every day i love you

So happy today. My husband helped me a lot. We had an open house for our family. He was really my hero. He changed a lot since fasting month. He is really a gentleman. When we were in kelantan, Ahmad did not want to follow us going shopping or bazar ramadhan. So, he was roman tic, holding my hands protectively. It had been so many years. I always held my son's hand. So, this time, he held my hand. He helped me to carry things. I really don't know what had happened to him. Then, our open house, he was my great supporter. My mother did not come to our house this morning, so i cried. He asked me why. I told him that I didn't know how to measure the water for the rice. We had guests more than 30. I was terrified. So, he helped to cook rice for two rice cookers. And all because of him, my family praised all the food that i cooked today. The secret? I cooked with love. I love my husband so much and i love my big family. My brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, busu, puan and of course my parents. Not forget to mention, riana, my grandchild. Ha! Ha! I am old. When i was taking my diploma of education, we had a microteaching in class. So, I became a teacher while my classmates, including my husband became my students. I was scared so, I just looked at my husband. At that time, we were not a couple yet. I knew he was restless. When i almost finished my teaching then I had the gut to look at all my friends and my lecturer. My husband never laughed at me. He understood my problem, stagephobia. Then, when we were teachers in the same school, I got my confidence. During the assembly, he would stand in front of me. So, whenever I felt nervous, I just looked at him. Now, I have no problem on speaking in front of people. He is great. We are different but i know he loves me so much. He knows I love my family especially my parents, so he treats them nicely and with respect. Oh my god, I really love him, love him and love him. Last night, he massaged my body especiaaly my back and my legs. He pitied me for working so hard. But look who's talking. He also helped me a lot, vacuumed and mopped our house. Folded the clothes and put them in the wardrobes. Helped me washing the dishes. I fall in love with my husband every day. He knows it because he is also like me, loves me as much as I love him or may be more?

love kelantan food

Hi! Cool a bit today but kelantan is so hot. About yesterday's article, I am just not satisfied with my two brothers. This morning we went to kota bharu to buy stuff for umrah. Then bought muruku, three packets only rm10, so cheap. My husband bought the same design of samping but this one was so cheap. He bought it at siti khadijah market. I had already cooked sweet sour chicken and mixed vegetables soup. This evening, we will go to bazar ramadhan to buy exotic food like tahi itik, yummee, yummmee and steamed boat. I love kelantan because of the food. I do respect the people. They have good taste. Tomorrow, I will prepare chicken pegedil and nasi himpit. Thursday morning, I will cook Soto. That is the main dish for the guests. Food, food and food........haiiii my husband is watching TV while my son is playing his PSP. Now, it's time for me to take a nap....oh ya the chocalate cake did look nice, it's like calling me........

have pity for your parents....love them

Hi! I am here in kelantan. We went to machang bazar ramadhan. Bought Perut air as am, kerabu Peru, Ikan percik, salok lad a, Colek, sotong pulut, daging gulai kawah. Crazy, really crazy....looking at all the food. I have already prepared every thing for my parents. Kuih ray a, baju raya and yesterday, I took myfather to see a barber. His hair need to be cut and so were the beard and the moustache. Oh ya my mother in law looks thin, she still has no appetite to eat rice or other food. Just eats her nestum and porridge. My father in law looks tired. I think they should take a maid but i don't think my husband's family like the idea. Tomorrow, I will help them to clean up their house. There's something I am not satisfied here. When you come to your parents' house. You know that they are not that well. Please bring your own towels and clean up the place especially the bedroom that you used. If you still want to use their towel make sure you wash it, not just leave it there. Hanging at the chair and the door. One more thing, please bring your food when you visit them. They don't have to cook or prepare food for you. They love their children's visit but please do not bully your parents. Don't just call your parents asking how are they doing. Ask them what do they want. Do they have enough rice, fish, vegetable or anything at home? If not, buy it for them. Like my parents, they have money to buy anything they want, the problem is who want to buy it for them. When you go to the market, buy food for your family, have you ever think of your parents. Don't just think oh someone else will buy it for them. And then, you just call and ask, emak sihat? Tak patut, tak patut. You have many children and one day your children will do that to you. Life is a full circle. I always open my heart and mind when I face this kind of situation. They should think better furthermore, I am the youngest in the family........

hu ha hu ha

Hi! People always say opposite attraction is good. My husband and i always have different view on something. Not only that, I am not sure whether I like some of his friends. His friends are not like mine. They are more serious and choosy. My friends are more carefree type. We are worried about our children, family or students but we are more relaxed. Easy to say the hu ha hu ha type. That's why I never go to my husband's family day. I know his type of friends but a few are good to me. I know that my husband and i are different but I always try to balance it. I will try to cover his weakness and protect him . It's tiring but I am happy to do it. When I was with his friends or family, I could not be myself. I had to be serious. I did ask him whether he wants a serious wife or me. His answer was me but for certain situations, I don't think he wants to be around with people like me. Sometimes, I prefer to talk with my students rather than my husband. They will listen to my story. Don't want to think too much of it. It will spoil my hari ray a mood. Ye lah, I slept with my maid when I was small. Then, i went to kampung school in pulau sebang, mixed with the kampung kids. When i was in boarding school. Again, most of my friends are kampung kids except jepun, Jana, zihan. But we enjoyed being together in one group. When we went out, we would go to a place that we could afford to pay and so did ordering food. We would order food like the ones that our friends ate. Then, here in this school, I met farain. I am very happy to have friend like her. Hiiii...should I change to be someone like my husband can be proud of?

Hi! It is holi, holidays. Syok. One big problem, coughing. Last night, I did not sleep in my bedroom. I didn't want to disturb my husband and son. It was bad. To day, after settling all the bills, I will ask my husband to take me to see Dr kok . I wanted to take MC today but lots of work to do at school. Did you watch 'sebenarnya says isteri dia'. I loved all 13 episodes. It's about a guy who had to marry a woman who was four years older than him. I started watching the drama from its 9 episode. My husband introduced it to me. I always watched kichen's rules so i knew nothing about the drama. When I saw my husband laughing watching the drama, well there must be something....I watched it and fell in love with the story. But when it came to 11 episode, he didn't want to watch anymore because it's not funny anymore. It's more to romance, no more arguing between both of them. So, my husband said, it's getting boring. I don't want to watch it anymore. Haiya. I watched all the episodes online. So good, no commercial break. Oh ya, during may school break, my husband went back to kelantan alone. He drove my crv. It's safer than his swift. He was scared that his mum would be admitted into a ward. So, he wanted to look after her at the hospital. Luckily, the doctor said that it was nothing only gastric and vein pain. So, she could go home. I was so happy that i bought two train tickets for me and my son. Haiiiii....again and again, when the time came, my nephew took both of us to the railway station. Then , someone told us that we could not go back to kelantan as there was a landslide in pahang. So, we got back our money and went to my parents ' house. When Ahmad was two years old, we faced the same problem. It was worse than this. I don't think I want to ride a train anymore. It's more dangerous but only to me. My husband was so worried that he went home early. Furthermore, his parents didn't want me to take another train ride. So sleepy, want to take a nap, bye......

Hi! One group of girls want to come to my house on the second week of holidays, still in the mood of raya. I am happy because that group is close to me. The problem is the boys also want to join them. Hiiiii...I never invite boys to come to my house. Before this, when they asked my address, I just kept quiet. So, they got the hint, oh tak bagi datang la tu. Hiiii never mind. I will just cook nasi ayam for them. Last time, when i stayed with my parents, hidayat and his group came to my parents' house. Ya lah datang nak beraya. Luckily, when he reached my parents' house, he called me first. I was in kelantan at that time. My sister and my brother in law saw the boys with their motobikes parking outside wision. They thought the boys were my nephew's friends. They did wonder why the boys just left like that. When I asked my sister about hidayat, she was shocked "ha, budak lelaki yang ramai-ramai datang dengan motor tu anak murid kau ke". It was so embarrassing. I was so glad that i was not around. I really-really hope that the boys change their mind and go somewhere. I asked the girls to come on Friday when my husband and son go to the mosque for jumaat prayer. It is more comfortable without guys around. Oh ya, today I have to start fasting. I don't want to fry catfish, ikan sembilang anymore. I've got scar on my hand, my eyelid and my mouth. It was painful but it is more painful when your husband just ignored you. He kept doing his work. I was so angry that I didn't want to talk to him or even look at his face. He felt guilty so, after praying terawih he went to shopping centre to buy a hari ray a card for me. A card with music. He put it on my dressing table. I showed the card to my son. He loved it. He knew that i was angry with his papa. When my son was sleeping, I went to my husband and said,' I don't want your card. I just want you to hug me.' He liked to buy me things when i was angry. He came to me and i showed him my hand. He kissed it, then I showed my eye. He kissed my eye and hugged me. I thanked him for the beautiful card and laughed happily. It is not that difficult to bring back my smile. Bye.....