Hi! Had to help my sister for her daughter's wedding. Feeling tired but it's OK. Only tonight and tomorrow, the caterer will prepare the food. Really pity her second daughter. She was so damn tired. My sister and her eldest daughter like to bully her. I helped her to wash the dishes. The big sister cannot depend on other people to do it well. I think she knows that I prefer the younger one to her. I really hope and pray to god that the younger one will meet a guy who loves her and cares for her. And of course a rich guy. She's beautiful, the problem is her late father asked her to find a guy whose name is harun. And this poor girl obeyed her father's last wish. I don't like it at all. Just wait, may be the harun guy will knock her door one day. Oh ya, my library is like a little India town now. Many Indian students came and most of them were the naughty ones. But they didn't give me any problems. They will be in their group, just sit at the back. A few years ago, my library was like china town, after that balance a bit, got Chinese, Malay and Indians. Now, more Indians. At least, they are nice to me. Easy to call them if I need help. Today, our big family assembled at my parents' house, including my granddaughter, yana, my nephew's daughter. I called myself wan to her. My nieces laughed and said, it looked funny. They said wan muda. Aiya, I am 42 what. I am like a grandmother to her. Last time, I did take off my tudung on the hari ray a morning in kelantan. I wore kebaya and put on my contact lenses. Many kids came to my mother in law's house. The best part was they called me kakak and my husband pakcik, uncle la. After that my husband said, OK enough, I think you better put on your tudung. No more attention from small kids. Hiiiii...just want to look young and feel young that morning. At least my husband still worried about me.

a taboo?

Hi sorry. Had to delete my last post. I am very open to talk about it but as a Malay woman, it was inappropriate. Sometimes, I feel it is not fair. I just want to share my experience, that's all. Talking about sex is like a taboo in Malay society. That's the problem. They don't know that the Malay kids are more advanced. The kids enjoyed doing it without thinking of the consequences. I am not pointing at the wild girls only but in certain cases, it was a big surprise to know the girls who did it. Some of them looked so innocent. Don't ever think the higher education girls didn't involve. Not only smart in their study but also every thing. They know how to abort their child if they get pregnant. But they forgot if God wants them to get pregnant, how hard they tried to abort the baby, they would fail. Then the problem is where to throw the baby. I don't want the baby, he is the unwanted one, just like rubbish so, throw the baby into the dust bin. They are smart but they are worse than animal. You want to have sex is ok but make sure you get married first. I told the girls, don't let the boys touch you. Yours is exclusively for your husband. If you like to touch boys or like the boys to touch you, you won't feel the thrill on the first night of your wedding. You are immune to it. You will feel nothing. If it is so easy to touch your body before marriage, may be your husband will get bored and it will be o easy for him to leave you or dump you. The choice is yours. A temporary happiness or the forever one.

My period was late this month. I thought I was pregnant. Then, today....the same thing happened again. I cried, my son hugged me and asked me why? I looked at him and said, I am sorry I cannot give you a brother or a sister. He looked at me and said, we can take a baby from other person. I just smiled. My husband had stomachache, so he was lying down. I came and hugged him. And I cried again. He was not well but he managed to hold me and said, there's no need to cry. Everything must have a reason from god. We just accept it. I know that but I still feel so sad. I really like baby girl. When i went back to kelantan, I always looked at hajar. I always dreamed to have a daughter like her. But god didn't allow it to happen. I want to adopt a baby girl but my husband didn't like the idea. I hugged my son and kissed him. He is my life. If anything happen to him, I don't think I can accept it. I can face any problems but I will be so weak when it is related to my son. I am not that strong. People do not understand it. They don't know how much I really want to have a baby. I thought that feeling does not exist anymore but when i got my period late, the feeling came back. I feel so hurt and depressed. Allahu Akbar, Allah wants to test me. Try to accept it with open heart. Bye....

drive carefully, please

Hi! Just came back from kelantan yesterday. Had an accident in trengganu last Friday, after breaking our fast. I did not know what happened to my husband. He was like in a hurry and he always drove too close behind a car. I had told him already but he didn't pay attention. He just drove. That night before the accident, he made an emergency break .The car behind us managed to stop but the driver of the third car drove so fast that he couldn't stop his car. So, he hit the second car and the second car hit my car. I was like 'What?' So, we went out to check our car. My son was so angry that he said bad words about the other drivers. So, I left him alone inside the car. Luckily, there was only a scratch on my car , the rest no problem. The other two cars, really need insurance to cover. The Alza owner told me that she just bought her car last year. I looked at her and said that I just bought my crv last month, then she kept quiet. Her car was the second one, so the bonnet and the boot were bad. So was myvi, the third car. Got problem with the bonnet. It was so bad. Both of them will claim insurance so, we just continued our journey to kelantan. At first I was angry with my husband. Not only me, but my son too. When i think of the positive side, we were so lucky. Nothing happened to us and to my car. My husband learned his mistake so well. He made sure that he didn't drive so fast and there was a gap between the two cars. So, we reached home safely yesterday. No accident and everybody was happy. Thank God! Bye.....

deep in my heart

Hi! We are on the way to go back to kelantan.I am waiting for my husband outside the mosque in kemaman. He is performing his Friday prayer. My husband asked my son to accompany me. That boy didn't look happy but he listened to him. I am worried about my mother. The doctor told me that she was depressed. She didn't look happy. I love my mother but there's something that stopped me from showing my true love to her. Not like my father. It will be so easy with him. I was angry at her before because I think she is not fair. But she is a mother. She knows what is good and what is bad for her children. She knows I can handle any problems. She made me tough. Sometimes, I don't like the way she treated her relatives. It 's like she 's being bullied. I don't like it at all. I would speak out and my mother would get angry at me. She thinks I was rude to her relatives or to her other children. After this I wii try to behave myself. As long as she is happy, I won't say anything. If only she knows how much I love her...........

selamat hari raya

Hi! This Friday I will go back to kelantan. We will stay there until Wednesday. Never mind, his parents are my parents too. No big deal. I am so lucky because we live here in negeri sembilan. Almost every day I can see my parents' face but my husband? Only during the holidays. We cannot be sefish. He is so good to buy a house here so I can be closed to my parents. As long as I have my husband and my son be by my side, I will try to be happy in kelantan. His parents are good. His mom will cook nasi dagang early in the morning. Then, we will go to the mosque to perform hari ray a prayer. After that, we will visit his relatives. I cannot imagine the food they will serve for us. So good. But on the second day, do not expect to have satay, rice or laksa. Most of his old relatives will start their puasa enam. We just have a chat and eat the ray a biscuits. Everybody will talk about their family..........and I just listen. Why? I do not understand kelantan accent that well so, better listen than saying the wrong words. That will be my life in kelantan. Oh ya, I got my promotion. I am the youngest teacher who gets dg 48 at my school. My seniors especially, Mr ng said that I was so lucky. Oh ya, my right eye would blink a few days before I got good news. Last time, I was so scared when my right eye kept blinking. I surfed internet. If it is right eye, it means good fortune but if your left eye is blinking it means you will get bad news. I don't know. May be it was just coincidence. OK, byr-bye and take care. Selamat Hari Ray a....drive carefully. I should tell that to my husband, sometimes he drove like Michael Schumacher.

are you smoking?

Hi!I almost finish the work today. Kalai and gang helped me a lot. Gave them duit raya. Kalai didn't want to accept my money but when I said it was duit raya and if they didn't want to accept it, I will give that money to other students. It was a relief when he and his gang accepted it. I really appreciate their help. Thank you so much. But working with this kind of students gave me a problem. When there was a break, they went out . When they came back, I smelled something, cigarette smoke. Hii...smoking. My husband stopped smoking after coming back from our second umrah. All of a sudden he didn't like to smoke anymore until now. I still remember our first dating. He asked me whether I like a smoking guy or not. I told him that I didn't mind. But after I have Ahmad, I become health conscious. My son has athma, so we have to be very careful. I made a smoking corner outside my parent's house. For our own house, I made two places for smoking, near the porch and outside our kitchen( it is for my father actually. He was scared to sit in front alone, so here he could see me. My adorable father). Nothing much to say. I am exhausted. I think I want to break my fast with my parents. I want to buy nasi ayam kfc today. My father will love it. Bye........

The right guy

Hi! Today I had a chat with my student, a girl. Well, we talked about boys. She is a very smart girl. Her boyfriend is not like her, playful and not matured. I don't know. May be this is what we call love. I don't mind if the guys are not rich or less smart but they must be responsible, caring and hardworking. I like kalai selvam. His class is 5 mpv (the last class) . When I found out that his girlfriend is a 5 SC prefect. I just said, love is really blind. Then, when this boy helped me a lot, wow he has a charisma. He has his vision. He knows that he cannot do well in his study, he learns technical thing like repairing car or whatever. He helped me in the library, all the Indian girls looked at him and said something. This boy didn't even look at them. He just did his work. Very loyal. Now I have no comment about them. As long as they know the limit. The girl will get a good result in spm and the boy will take care of her in his own way. The problem is if the boy that we love is lazy, irresponsible, playful, just know the word enjoy and likes to flirt. Better to forget him. I told that girl, it is a long way to go. After this you will go to a university or college, you will meet new boys. Then, you will get a good job and meet new guys. I asked her to make a choice, a guy that you love but irresponsible or the guy that you don't love but very responsible. He knows how to take care of himself and of course he will take a good care of us. Sooner or later you will fall in love with this kind of guy. Love is important but make sure we give our love to the right person, the person who deserves it...........bye.

just a comment from me

Hi! I watched the match last night, lee Hong Wei vs Lin Dan. I think both of them were good. For the first time, I saw Lin Dan panicked during the match. CHONG WEI WAS BETTER THAN BEFORE. He was so energetic. But why did he lose? Easy. He should meet misbun sidek, his former coach before he left malaysia or at least called him before the final match. He should respect misbun because he was the one who made Hong Wei to become world number one badminton player then. He should not forget what misbun had done for him. Every body said Hong Wei was a good guy compare to Lin Dan. He is good but he does not respect his former coach and that is bad. Lin Dan has the fierce look but a soft heart. All of us could see his wife and mom came to support him. He was very patriotic indeed. He really loved his country ( we could see from his action). I told my students many times. You must respect your parents and teachers. They will pray for your success. In 2009, there was one girl who was rude to me. I was giving the class the techniques of answering, she made noise. I told her that if she didn't want to listen, she could leave. So she left. It was bad. I prayed to god please let this girl passed this paper. She had tuition outside so she didn't need my class. I was scared this girl would fail. When the result came out, all her friends got b or c. She got d. At least she passed, thank god. I don't want my students to worship me, I don't mind if they didn't give me a present, I just want them to respect me. Not to salute me. Just pay attention during my class. If you are so good but your attitude is bad, I don't think you can do well in your exam. I also learn from my mistake. I can't hurt my mother's feeling, if I do that my life will be like hell. When I was in form five and at university, I did hurt her feeling. I failed one subject (school one) and one paper (university one) . Until now, before I do something I will get her permission. I will ask her first. That's why I cannot be bad, god will punish me. Dusyum, dusyum. Once again, BE GOOD.........

dam! dum! bunyi mercun

Hi! Two more weeks before hari raya. My son begged me to buy him firework and I just said no. I don't want him to get hurt. He said that he will buy it from his friend and they will play at school. Where did he learn that threatening skill? May be my husband will buy that thing for him. When I was small, my bothers would buy that thing for us, the girls. As the youngest one, I preferred to watch them playing it. I was scared to hold it. Another scary thing is balloon. I like balloon and firework but I am just scared. Same with the height. Now, I am quite OK. Last time, I wouldn't dare to look down. All because of my second floor library. Sometimes, when I need my students' help, I just shout from there. Lots of practice can overcome your phobia. Tonight, I will go to the mosque to perform terawih prayer. No homemade hwri ray a cookies, just ordered as usual. Pity my big oven! Next time OK.

Just be good, ok

Hi! I think my eyesight is getting worse. It is time to visit the optometrist. Later la. This afternoon at school, suddenly I had chest pained. I stopped doing my work. I went to the canteen and bought some food, ayam percik, masak as am ikan tenggiri, Tempe goreng and masak lemak peria. Yummee, yummee, yummee. Heiiii be patient, I still have another three hours. Focus on the topic please. Why people like me so lazy to see a doctor? First, now I don't feel the pain anymore, so relax. May be I am just tired. If I want to see a doctor, I need my husband to take me there. It means I have to tell him about my chestpained and he will get worry. No need. I always think of other people first. Tried to change but I can't. I told my mom once that I am tired of being good. My mom asked me back, did you lose anythin when you are good? I told her no. In fact I got everything I want or more than what other people got. Then, she said, see, there's nothing wrong to be good. You should be grateful to God. Yes, what she said is right. We should appreciate what we have. I sacrifice for my family, God makes my life easy. It 's boring but better than people who lead difficult life. When I think of it....I AM So LUCKY.