Please forgive me, Abah

Tonight is my father's birthday kenduri but I won't go. I know it will upset my father but I have no choice. My husband does understand my situation and he just accepts my action. Let them enjoy themselves tonight. I think I'll be ok. I did not cry in front of them but I am crying now. So sad. I will miss the most important person in my life's birthday. I pray to God for my father's health. I don't know. I am so confused. I really-really love my family but they do not understand it. After this I won't say anything, I will keep my mouth shut. I will become a stranger to them, not as their youngest sister. I feel guilty to my son. He kept asking why he couldn't go to my mother's house to celebrate his atuk's birthday. I am so sorry. Please forgive me. I feel so tired......Happy birthday Abah, I love you!

Be grateful!

Hi! Actually I have no mood to type. I paid too much attention on the drama that I had sleepless nights almost one week. I just hope everything will be ok after the competition. Tonight I will watch a video "the vow". I just read the synopsis. It was about the wife who had lost her memory after having an accident. The husband tried to make his wife fell in love with him again. I don't know. The main reason that I have blogs because I am so scared that if one day I will lose my memory and forget all the people that I cared. It will be so bad to live with strangers who are actually the people you had loved once. I am not that good at driving. Just hope that situation won't happen to me. Shu..shu...shu....don't want to think of it. Good news...my husband gets a promotion. Now, he is in DG48. Not bad. He always makes me happy and this is what he got in return. Ustaz did say once that I was a lucky person ( orang yang bertuah). Tell you the truth, I was the unwanted baby. My mother tried to abort me many times but I still wanted to live. Too strong to be killed! A terminator baby huh!I knew the story when I was 12 years old. My aunty told me. That's why I became a rebellious teenager. So, after I was born, my mother started her business. A maid took care of me. My mother did it so well. My parents bought assets. When we stayed with my parents for eight years, my father was fine but after we moved out, my father's health was not good. Last time, two teachers from DUHA(SMK Dato' Undang Hj Adnan) came to my school to learn something from me. I really wanted to help their PSS that I asked one of the teachers to save one folder in her thumbdrive. But while I was talking to her friend, she saved all my works including my strategic plans. I was so angry but didn't want to say anything because they were my guests. Later, her thumbdrive got virus and she lost everything. She called me wanted to do the same thing. Betul-betul tak tahu malu. I had many miss calls from her. I called her a desperate teacher. Only once I answered her call, the rest became history. May be it is just coincident. But I really thank to God for giving me every thing(except babies but it is ok, I still have my handsome boy, Ahmad). Love You, God.

Hi!Today we talk about the hottest issue in Malaysia, gay among the Malay guys. Out of ten Malay guys, three or five are gay. Scarry, isn't it. It is a very sensitive issue but to me it is so simple. Why was Eve created in heaven? All because of Adam. He needed a woman to fulfill his needs. God didn't create a woman and a guy for Adam, just Eve (Hawa). When I was in boarding school, got a few girls couples. Even in my group, there were two couples. But one couple was so serious, her partner always had a love bite on her neck. Crazy. I didn't like their attitude at all. We never said anything to them or advise them, afraid that it would hurt their feelings. The problem was other girls thought that all of us were the same. There was one girl put my head on her lap. I was sleeping on the floor at that time. She played with my hair and whispered "I love you" to me.I was shocked but I pretended sleeping. Really-really crazy. After that I never slept on the floor anymore, better slept on my bed or ran away to my friend's room.She got the wrong person. I am completely normal. May be the way I looked (with my sleeveless t-shirt, longsleeve shirt and long pants), I looked like a guy to her. Just be normal ok. You are safe mentally and physically. About gay in my boarding school. I've got stories but may be later......